Inside of You
by ImagineYourself64
Summary: Highschool AU. Destiel. Dean and Cas are two very different people with two very different problems, and yet somehow they find one another amid the mess of broken families and inner conflicts and slowly start to pick up the pieces with each other's help. Warnings inside.
1. Getaway

A/N: WARNING: This fic contains issues dealing with abuse, depression, self-harm, and suicide. Just a forewarning, if any of you are easily upset or anything like that. This is a very serious fic and none of these issues are portrayed as a joke (mostly because I have personal experience with all of those listed in one form or another) and I just want to warn you. Regardless, I hope you enjoy!

Extras: Pairings info, just so you aren't confused: Romantic Dean/Cas, (VERY)brotherly Sam/Dean, no other pairings, but Jo is gay, so no, there is nothing hidden between Dean and Jo.

* * *

"My parents are out of town Friday night. You guys wanna come over and play some Call of Duty or something?" Adam said to the others around him.

"I'll bring the beer and the cool," Ash replied, pushing his long hair over his shoulder with a laid-back grin.

"Don't lie, you'd totally rather stay home hacking the FBI or some shit." Jo glanced at him with bright eyes.

Ash shrugged. "Gotta give 'em a break sometimes."

Adam laughed, but he quieted and nudged Dean when he realized the fourth man wasn't paying attention.

"Dude, you okay?" Ash asked him, snapping Dean out of his glassy eyed oblivion.

"What?" Dean glanced at him stupidly before his brain interpreted the message. "Nah, man, I'm fine." A light smile brightened his young features and everyone seemed to relax a little. Everyone except Jo, who gave Dean a look that said "we'll talk later".

Meanwhile, Ash and Adam were arguing over whether Star Trek or Star Wars was better. It still amused Dean when his friends argued like children though they were all in their senior year at Lawrence High. After a while the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. The boys' argument was postponed as they parted for their various classes, but Dean waited for Jo before they set off together for history.

"You're really out of it today," Jo remarked, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

"I've just got a lot on my mind," Dean replied vaguely. He looked at the ground and barely noticed when he bumped shoulders with someone.

"Watch it, Winchester," Luc snarled, stopping just behind them.

Dean barely spared him a look but replied with contempt, "Watch it yourself, asshat." Jo backed him up with the silent threat of her fists and whisked Dean away, leaving Luc to be livid by his lonesome self.

"That sounded a little more like you." Jo nudged his side and sent him a smile, but Dean couldn't return it.

"I'm gonna chill on the roof for a while," he said, subdued once again.

"'Kay. I'll cover for you," Jo assured him. He grazed her shoulder with his palm before turning away, feeling her gaze on his back as he headed for the fire escape at the south end of the first floor.

It had long-since been broken—the school was pretty damn old—and Dean's mother had told him about it when he was a freshman. She'd spent her own four grueling years at the same school and, like him, enjoyed spending a little time on the roof every now and again. Dean glanced around as the final bell rang before slipping out unnoticed. He climbed up the long three flights before reaching the gritty top and dropping his backpack.

It was an overcast day, fitting for Dean's mood, and a cool breeze touched his cheeks. Closing his eyes, he breathed in the fresh Kansas air and relaxed his shoulders, safe from the questioning glare of his best friend. He and Jo had been in the same class in fifth grade, but they hadn't become friends until late that year when forced to play card games together. They'd both cheated so much that neither could ever win, but both had gained a fond memory of hearty laughter. Ever since they'd been like peas and carrots. Dean's heart clenched at the feeling; it'd been too long since he'd laughed like that.

"Why are you just standing there?" A rough voice cut through the memory and Dean's eyes snapped open. On the other side of the roof he saw a boy a year or two younger than him standing awkwardly. Dean moved closer and saw the boy had thick black curls and bright blue eyes that were slightly rimmed with red as if he'd been crying recently.

"Um," Dean started hesitantly. "Well, I come here all the time. The better question is why are _you_ just standing there?"

The boy tilted his head. "I've been here all day." He was by the edge of the building so Dean stepped up next to him and sat with his legs hanging off. After a moment the boy sat, too.

"What's your name?" the boy asked.

"Dean. Dean Winchester. Yours?"

"Castiel Novak."

Dean scoffed. "Who the hell names their kid 'Castiel'?"

"I was named after an angel," he replied quietly.

_Fitting,_ Dean thought, then mentally smacked himself. "I'm just gonna call you Cas then. It's shorter." He glanced at Castiel and found the boy staring off into the clouds and absently rubbing his arms. "Why are you up here anyway, angel-boy?" Dean asked after a long moment.

"For the same reason as you," Cas replied, still not looking at him. "To get away."

Dean nodded in understanding. "What are you trying to get away from?" He paused, then added quickly, "Sorry, you don't have to answer that if you don't want to."

But those blue eyes finally turned towards him and Dean was struck by how piercing they were. "Myself," Cas answered simply. They stared at each other for a long while before Dean glanced away at his hands.

Suddenly, Dean jumped as the bell rang. "I have to go to my next class. You coming?"

"No. I'll stay here. But thank you, Dean." Castiel's eyes burned into Dean's another moment before he retreated back down the stairs and into the building.


	2. Wishes

"Dean."

"Dean."

"Earth to Dean?"

"Helloooo?"

"Dude, he's dead."

"No he's not."

"Dean!"

It was Jo's voice that eventually roused Dean from his dreamless sleep. "What?" he mumbled tiredly, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. Adam, Ash and Jo were all staring at him.

"Dude, you passed out on my couch as soon as we got here from school. It's two a.m." Adam sat back on the floor where he was sitting. It was Friday night and they'd gathered at his house for pizza and games.

"Shit…" Dean yawned. "Your couch is really nice, though, man," he added, cracking a smile.

Jo gave him her "really?" look, complete with a roll of her eyes. But she smiled and told him, "Come on, I'll drop you at home." The other boys gave Dean a suggestive look but Dean just lightly smacked Ash's shoulder and stood up to stretch. Jo had come out to them all nearly five years ago and they still made jokes that she and Dean would make a great couple.

The ride was short and quiet and before long Dean was silently slipping into his house. He left his bag and shoes at the door before sneaking through the house and to his room. There were no sounds in the house and Dean felt worry in his gut until he turned on the lamp and found his kid brother sleeping in his bed. The first thing Dean noticed, though, was the huge purple bruise decorating the young boy's jaw. Dean shed his jacket and crawled into bed beside his brother.

"Sammy," he whispered, touching the boy's shoulder.

Sam's hazel eyes slowly opened and he yawned widely. "You're home," he said quietly with a small smile.

Dean's fingertips brushed Sam's face and the younger boy flinched. "Was it…?"

"Yeah…" Sam looked down and picked at the edge of his brother's sleeve.

Rage and regret battle for dominance in Dean's emerald eyes as he put his arms around Sam and whispered, "I'm so sorry, Sammy."

"S'okay," Sam replied, a gentle trickle of tears slowly soaking into Dean's shirt. Eventually he fell back into a deep sleep and Dean kissed the top of his head, drifting off himself.

The next morning, like every morning for the past year, Dean didn't wake to the smell of cooking in the kitchen. He didn't wake to the hum of the washing machine or the vacuum in the main room or even the soft sound of singing. Instead, he woke to heavy silence with his bed empty and a cold feeling in his stomach.

He sat up and put his head in his hands just as his door opened and Sam's grinning head popped in. The bruise on his face was still purple, but the edges had taken on a sickly green color. Even so, his eyes glittered as he entered.

"Can we go out to breakfast, Dean?" he asked in the sweetest voice he could muster.

For his brother's sake, Dean got up and ruffled Sam's hair, plastering a smile on his face. "Sure, Sammy. I'll get dressed and then we can go."

Five minutes later the two brothers left the empty house and walked the mile and a half to Ihop. Dean watched as his brother devoured a huge plate of pancakes with a side of bacon and eggs and still muttered that he wanted more.

"Damn, I remember when I could eat like that," Dean laughed as their waitress arrived with the bill. Instead of just leaving it at the table, though, she tapped Dean on the shoulder and motioned for him to follow her. He told his brother to stay put and trailed after her towards the kitchen.

She was an attractive woman in her early twenties, but the expression on her face blatantly said she wasn't there to flirt.

"Um," she began quietly, glancing around. "My manager told me to tell you not to worry about the bill." Dean gave her a look of pure skepticism. "Look, we all see your brother and my manager knows your dad and decided to cover it for you."

Dean's eyes grew cold. "We don't need pity."

She sighed and put her hand on his arm. "It's not pity. We just want to help."

Dean was tempted to get angry and go off on her about how they didn't need help, either, but when he glanced back at his brother, the feeling was extinguished. He looked down. "Sorry, it's just… Thank you."

The waitress smiled sadly and squeezed his arm affectionately. "I wish we could do more."

Nodding, Dean pulled away and steeled himself as he returned to Sam. "Come on, little bro, let's get going. I took care of the bill already," he said when he got back to the table. Sam jumped up and followed him out, looking for all the world like he was the happiest kid alive.


	3. Ritual

It was Monday again, and Dean spent his history class on the roof as was the norm every Monday. He didn't know why, but Dean had always hated Mondays, and hated history, so coupling the two was a lethal combination. After a short while, Cas found his way there, too and silently sat beside Dean as they had before.

"Hi," the blue-eyed boy said after a few minutes.

"Hey," Dean replied.

They delved into silence again, comfortable just with the warm sun on their faces in the cold November air.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

Cas looked like he was having trouble finding words when Dean glanced at him. But eventually he found them and said, "Last week, when you came up here—" His eyes met Dean's. "I was going to jump." He waited for Dean to say something, but he didn't. "I don't think it would have killed me, but I was about to try. And then you showed up and I couldn't anymore."

Dean nodded and gave him a half-smile, looking back at the sky. "I'm glad you didn't. And you're right. It wouldn't have killed you, but you would have broken quite a few things." After a moment, his gaze found Castiel's face. There, he saw relief, which confused him. "What?"

"You didn't ask why I was going to do it," Cas offered with the same sort of half-smile.

Shrugging, Dean just said, "If you wanted me to know, I figured you would say. It's not my place to ask." Another silence ensued, both boys with their eyes trained on the same horizon.

"Dean."

"Yeah?"

"You're kind."

"Thanks. I find it's usually a better idea than being as asshole. People like me more when I'm kind," he laughed.

"I like you," Cas told him quietly.

Dean's eyes slid over to him and found those bright blue eyes watching him intently. "I like you, too," he finally replied. Dean was about to look away, to get lost in his thoughts again while watching the distant land. But just then, Cas leaned in and brushed his lips against Dean's mouth. They were soft and Dean suddenly thought about getting lost in them instead. Then, Cas pulled back, looking embarrassed.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, tapping his fingers together.

"Don't be." Dean smiled, and, for the first time in what felt like months, it reached his eyes. Cas blushed faintly and they continued attempting to pry answers from the sky with just their eyes until the end of the day.

When all the students began filing out of the school, Dean left the roof, but not before making Cas promise that he'd never jump and giving him one last lingering kiss. Sam was waiting by the parking lot and a smile lit his face as his brother neared. The two set off for home together.

They arrived to find it empty, as usual, and decided to spend the afternoon watching various action movies, occasionally arguing over which ones were better. Finally, it was nine o'clock and Dean was just about to usher Sam to bed as the boy had been almost asleep for the previous hour, but they both froze when the front door opened and then slammed shut.

"Oh, no," Dean whispered, getting to his feet and instinctively standing in front of Sam.

"What the hell are you two doing out here?" John Winchester's voice was thick with liquor and he walked unsteadily into the main room with bloodshot eyes.

"We were just leaving," Sam said meekly, moving around his brother and towards the kitchen with his eyes downcast.

"Sam," his father called gently, beckoning for the boy. Dean watched, his entire body tensed with adrenaline, as his brother moved towards John. He cupped the boy's chin and examined the dark bruise on his face. "Who did this to you?"

Sam had no idea where to look as he stuttered out, "I-I don't know."

Dean flinched as John backhanded his brother and shouted, "Don't lie to me!"

The elder brother ran forward and put himself in front of the younger as Sam held his face and silently began to cry. "Dad, stop!" Dean told him, fear making him brave. John lifted his hand and swung at Dean, catching him square in the mouth and knocking his head to the side. But Dean just looked up at him, undeterred. His father raised his arm again but suddenly Dean screamed, "JOHN WINCHESTER!" John paused and looked at him, mouth twitching.

Dean took the moment to turn around and grab a long knife from the wooden block on the counter beside him that sported the handles of all the kitchen knives. He spun with a dexterity he didn't know he had and with his free hand grabbed a handful of John's jacket, pushing the man back against the counter and holding the tip of the blade to his throat.

He breathed heavily for a moment before finding his voice. "If you ever lay a hand on me or Sam again, I swear to fucking Christ I will cut you down where you stand and I will never feel a second of regret." The shock he saw in his father's eyes as he spoke only spurred him further.

"Now, I'm going to take Sam, and we're going to leave. You are going to stay here in this exact spot until we are long gone. Don't look for us. And while we're gone, you are going to find help. I don't give a rat's ass if you have to go to rehab or if a freaking shrink can do it. But if you ever want to see us again, you're going to get sober, and you're going to get help." He glanced at his brother who was watching him with an open mouth.

"Sammy, go pack some clothes and whatever else you want to bring." Dean waited until Sam had scurried down the hall and out of earshot before leaning in to John again. "Mom's death was not Sam's fault. It was not my fault. And it was not your fault," he hissed, eyes burning. "So stop blaming everything around you and taking out your drunken anger on us. We might be back in a few days to pick up anything if we need it."

With that, he let John go and slowly backed away towards the hallway. John didn't move, so he set the knife on the edge of the counter and grabbed his keys from the bulletin board next to the fridge. He then hurried to his room and took his duffel from his closet, tossing in enough clothes for a week along with a few extra things before slipping his favorite leather jacket on.

"Sam," he called quietly, heading for the garage. His brother trailed on his heels and got into the Impala waiting without a word. Dean methodically backed out and began to drive, not really paying attention to where he was going until he was nearly there.

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A/N: Oh my, all the faves and follows in just one night? Yay! You, audience, are my inspiration for writing. Please review!


	4. Accidents

Dean pulled to a stop in front of Jo's house and slowly got out of the car. He went to the passenger side to get his brother out, who seemed in shock and was just staring wide-eyed at nothing.

"Leave your stuff in the car for now," he said quietly as Sam got out. But as soon as he'd shut the door, Sam threw his arms around his brother and buried his face in the older boy's chest. They stood there for a moment until Dean coerced Sam to go with him up the porch.

He rang the doorbell and waited with his arms still around Sam. They heard voices from the inside and then yellow light spilled out as Jo opened the door. Her mouth fell open and she stared at Dean in disbelief.

"Hi, Jo," he greeted her quietly, attempting a smile.

"Jo? Honey? Who is it?" Ellen, Jo's mother, suddenly joined her daughter in the doorway. "Dean!" she exclaimed, pleasantly surprised. But her face fell when she saw the state the two boys were in. Quickly, she ushered them in and made them sit at the kitchen table while she put together a bag of ice for Sam's face and found a cloth to wipe the blood from the corner of Dean's mouth.

Sam finally was able to let go of his brother, but he still wouldn't talk, and he kept his eyes on the floor as if there was something extremely interesting about it. After making sure both boys were alright, though, Ellen finally sat before them and demanded to know what happened. Jo stood beside her mother and looked morbidly interested in knowing, too.

But Dean only had eyes for Sam and worry was clouding his mind too much. "I'll explain it all tomorrow. Sam really needs to sleep and I'm too worked up right now to talk about it," he pleaded. Ellen relented though and sent them to the guest room.

Jo followed and watched from the doorway as Dean sat next to Sam on the bed, murmuring something she couldn't hear and stroking the boy's hair until he fell asleep. Beside the bed was an old loveseat and Dean sat back on that, his eyes finding Jo in the dimness. She quietly sat beside him and took his hand.

After a long while, Dean spoke softly. "One year, two months, and seventeen days ago my mother was caught in a highway pile-up caused by a sixteen year old girl who was texting while driving. My mother, the girl, and seven other people died instantly, and two more died later of injuries." He took a deep breath, fingers laced through Jo's in a comforting grasp.

"One year, one month, and twenty-one days ago my father came home, more drunk that I had ever seen anyone in my entire life. I tried to tell him to sleep it off because he had work the next day. He said 'I don't give a damn about a job. Or you. Or your brother.' I tried to tell him that he didn't mean it and he would feel better the next day. He broke my nose." Jo squeezed his hand and leaned closer so that their shoulders were touching.

"I hated him after that. I gave up trying to help him. And ever since, he spends most nights in the bar or his pickup and I've been trying my best to take care of Sammy and protect him." Dean laughed mirthlessly and continued, "I can't even count all the times when he showed up and I wasn't there and it was Sammy who paid for it. And it's all my fault. I never wanted him to get hurt. He didn't sign up for honorary punching bag. That was my job, and I failed too many times."

Jo's fingertips brushed Dean's cheek and came away wet. "Dean," she whispered, "it's not your fault. The only person to blame is your dad because he couldn't handle his wife's death. It's horrible that Sam has had to go through that, but so have you, and you're just as important as he is in this." Dean tried to soak that in, but he couldn't, and eventually continued.

"I held a knife to his throat and the only thing I felt was hate. I told him we were leaving, and I'll probably take Sam to Bobby's soon, but I told him that while we're gone, he needs to find help if he ever wants to see us again. Even as I said that, half of me wanted to just kill him then and there. Honestly, I probably would have if Sammy hadn't been standing there looking terrified. Terrified of me." Dean fought to breath normally.

Jo was quiet for a long time. "Stay here. My mom will let you stay with us, I know it. You're like the sons she never had, Dean, and you're welcome to stay, at least until the school year ends." Dean felt as if she was holding back from saying more, but it was a similar situation as he had had with Cas in that he appreciated her not asking any questions.

"Thanks, Jo, really. I… I don't know what I'd do with my life if you weren't in it." Dean's voice and heart were filled with a jumble of emotions, but he hoped Jo understood how much it meant to him.

She laughed quietly and let go of his hand to hug him. "You're welcome." She paused and settled in beside him again. "Anything else you want to say while I'm listening?" Dean knew it wasn't a question meant for prying, just something she always said whenever they had serious conversations.

Dean thought for a moment. "I kissed Castiel Novak."

Jo gave him a look. "No way! I don't even know who that is. Slut," she said jokingly. Dean smiled in spite of himself. He felt almost normal for a moment.

"I'll introduce you," he said quietly, the moment fading. Jo noticed.

She patted his knee. "Good. Now get some sleep. You're still going to be expected to go to school tomorrow."

Dean groaned, but a faint smile touched his lips as Jo left and he got into bed beside the still sleeping Sam. He must have woken the boy, though, because Sam grasped at his shirt and pulled him closer. Soon, though, both brothers were sleeping soundly.

Morning came and went and it was past noon when Dean woke up. Sam was curled into a ball on the other side of the bed and still breathing deeply so Dean tried to be as quiet as possible as he left the room. He stopped by the bathroom across the hall and finally saw his reflection in the mirror. His green eyes were dull and rimmed with darkness from exhaustion. There was a dark bruise in the shape of a fist that stretched from the corner of his mouth to his cheekbone and gave him an overall haggard look.

Dean splashed his face with water and wandered to the kitchen where Ellen was sitting at the table reading the newspaper. Dean knew that Ellen's husband, Bill, owned one of the major local bars and that sometimes Ellen worked days there, but he assumed that she'd taken the day off since he and his brother were staying there.

"You didn't wake us up for school," Dean said, taking the seat next to her.

"Dean Winchester, when have you ever been concerned about school?" Ellen sent him a smile. "And anyway, you two really needed the sleep." Her face grew serious again.

Dean sighed lightly, saying, "I suppose you want me to tell you what happened now?"

Ellen shook her head slightly, though. "I'll whip you up something to eat and we can talk afterwards." Dean's stomach grumbled in reply and she smiled. Handing him the paper, she stood and starting putting together some sort of lunch.

Dean's phone buzzed in his pocket and he'd forgotten he even had it with him. It was a text from Jo. It read simply: "Castiel Novak, right?" Dean replied back a quick, "Yeah", wondering why she was asking. After a minute, his phone buzzed again. "Dean, he's in the hospital. Lawrence Med."

"What?!" Dean exclaimed out loud, startling Ellen.

"Dean, what is it?" she asked as he stood abruptly from the table. His wild eyes found hers.

"My… My friend. He's in the hospital. Sorry, Ellen, but I have to go. I'll call when I get there." Dean's voice was frantic and he had just enough time to stop and give Ellen a peck on the cheek in goodbye before sprinting back to the guest room to grab his shoes, jacket and keys. Sparing one last glance at his sleeping brother, he ran back through the house and out the front door, jumping into the Impala.

Dean fought the speed limit as he drove the few miles to the hospital that Jo had specified. When he arrived, though, despite the worry driving him mad, he remembered to call Ellen and give her a quick, "I don't know what's happening but I have my phone," before nearly tripping over his own feet getting inside the doors.

The place was almost deserted; not too many people went to hospitals in small towns. He went to the nurses' desk and breathlessly asked for Castiel Novak's room. The nurse on duty, a middle-aged woman with a kind face pointed him to the second floor and gave him the room number. He slipped into the too-clean smelling elevator and rode it up a floor and into the intensive care section of the hospital. From there he followed the signs until he found it. Room 254.


	5. Falling

A/N: I know you all hate me for making you wait for this, but I just want to say how much I appreciate all the faves and follows and everything, it makes me really really happy (And I sometimes squeal like a child... shhh). So, without further ado, here is the story of Cas.

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Dean stood in the doorway for an entire minute before entering the off-white room. Cas was lying on the bed in the middle of the room with several beeping machines hooked up to him and a couple bags of saline hanging in front of it all. Cas himself looked small and frail as Dean went to his side and sat in the chair that was waiting there.

Dean's hand found Castiel's and held it tight though the boy's eyes were closed and he seemed asleep. His hair was a shock of black against all the white and his skin looked paler than ever. There were heavy white bandages on both of his wrists, too, that made his skinny arms look tiny and spindly.

Resting his forehead on his hands which were both clasped around Castiel's, Dean whispered, "What have you done?"

"Dean…?" Dean raised his head as Cas spoke. His blue eyes were opened and staring at him with surprise. "What are you…?"

"Cas! Thank God. Jo told me you were here so I rushed over." His thumb stroked Castiel's hand but the boy remained expressionless. "What happened?"

His blue eyes rose to the ceiling. "You told me not to jump, so I didn't." Dean stared at him.

"But, Cas…"

"You don't even know me, Dean," Cas said harshly.

This made Dean stop and think for a moment. "But I want to," he finally said, standing and brushing back Castiel's hair from his forehead with one hand, the other still latched onto the blue-eyed boy's. Their eyes met and had a silent conversation, the kind they'd seemed to perfect in the long moments they'd shared on the roof of the school. Finally, Dean let go and turned to leave.

"Wait," Cas called after him. "Please, don't go." Dean turned back.

"I won't," he said, returning to Cas and leaning over him to plant a kiss on his mouth. One of Castiel's bandaged arms moved through the air and his cold fingers traced the mark on Dean's face.

"What happened to you?" he asked as Dean sat back down again. Dean grimaced. "I'm sorry. You don't have to—"

"No," Dean stopped him, "I do." And he did, starting from the moment his mother died, he told his story, every gruesome detail and every feeling he'd felt. He kept his hand in Castiel's and throughout the entire thing he had his dull eyes trained on their intertwined fingers. When he was done, everything was quiet until he heard a shuffle from the open doorway.

Dean looked over sharply and saw Ellen, Jo, and Sam all standing there watching them. "How long have you guys been...?"

Ellen cleared her throat and said, "Since the beginning."

Dean shook his head slightly and felt a small smile tug on his face for reasons he didn't quite understand. His eyes were brought back to Cas, though, as he squeezed Dean's hand.

"So, uh, nice to meet you Castiel," Jo said, breaking the awkward silence and coming forward. "I'm Jo, and I will hurt you if you hurt Dean."

Dean blanched at her but Cas just smiled and replied, "I won't, so you don't have to worry."

Sam stepped up next, standing beside Dean and putting a hand on his brother's shoulder. "I'm Sam, and I'm the kid brother that will barge in when you're alone together, so don't do anything weird when I'm around." At that, even Dean had to laugh. For a thirteen year old, Sam really knew how to play his cards.

Ellen finally decided it was her turn and moved behind Jo, saying, "I'm kind of the unofficial mom of everyone," with a shrug. Dean met her eyes and she winked at him.

Suddenly a nurse in dark purple scrubs entered the room with a clipboard in his hand and stopped short when he saw it was nearly full. With raised brows he mildly asked, "Where's the party?" Cas smiled and everyone else made way for the nurse to come through. Everyone except Dean, who just scooted his chair over a little but kept his hand in Castiel's.

While the nurse checked the monitors, Dean made eyes at everyone else for them to leave the room for a moment. They did, laughing quietly like a group of schoolgirls.

"So, Castiel, how are you feeling? Any pain? Nausea?" the nurse went through the routine, nodding at the blue-eyed boy's quick answers of "Fine", "No", and another "No". "Good, very good," he said, scribbling something on the clipboard in his hand. "How are you feeling up here?" he asked, tapping his own head with the end of the pen in his hand.

Cas thought for a moment and glanced at the ceiling. "Better. Not great. But better," he answered finally. The nurse smiled and gave him a pat on the shoulder before moving towards the door.

Before retreating completely though, he looked at Dean with pointed eyes. "I take it you're his moral support?" the nurse asked slowly.

Dean nodded. "I'm trying to be."

"Good. He likes you." The nurse gave him a final smile, this one a little mischievous and finally left. Dean raised his eyebrows and brought his eyes back to Cas.

Cas shrugged the best he could while laying down and a smile played on the edges of his mouth. Dean reached out a hand and rested it on Castiel's cheek, thumb rubbing across his cheekbone, the same place on his own face that was marked by a bruise.

For the next two weeks that Cas was in the hospital, Dean would visit him every day after school. His job each day was the bring a smile to the boy's face, to gain his trust. And slowly, Cas began to tell his own story. It came together in pieces, but eventually Dean had the whole tale.

Three years before, when Cas had started high school, he was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. It had started a while before that, a few months before his parents divorced and Cas, with his sister Anna, stayed with his father, Zach, while their brothers Gabe and Michael had left with their mother. He fell into a deep depression around then, and it had lasted months until he started to get better.

After that, it would come and go. Sometimes lasting for only a week and he would be good for the next month, and sometimes it would last a few months and only slowly could he start to dig himself up from it again. Eventually, Anna, who was nineteen at the time, took her brother to a therapist who diagnosed him and started him on medication, since their father was either at work or just "too busy" to care about his children all the time.

But just less than a year ago Anna abruptly died of the flu; Cas couldn't afford to remain on his medication and his father didn't think it was a problem anymore so he refused to help Cas. So his depression came back, and worse than ever. But it wasn't until just a few months ago that Cas truly began contemplating suicide. He hated school and spent all of his time wandering the streets or staying at home away from school. But when it started getting colder he'd decided to go back, just to try it out, and it was his first day back that he saw Dean himself escaping through the fire escape and heading to the roof.

Cas was too shy to go near him, so he never approached him, but he used that fire escape to go up on the roof and sit and think instead of going to school or staying home where there was the possibility of seeing his father.

But then the day came when he was going to do it, going to jump from the roof of that three story building and as he was standing on the edge, he heard something behind him and turned to see Dean, just standing there. Breathing. _Breathing._ And Cas felt something inside of him change.

Even just sitting next to Dean that first day, he felt better than he had in months. He breathed the air. Just silently breathed and it gave him strength. And then later on, when they'd sat together once again and Cas had told him about that first day, he felt a weight lift from his shoulders.

But then, he went home and his brother Michael was there. Home for a visit. But he was mad, so mad, because no one had even called them to say that Anna was dead. And immediately, Cas relapsed. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, and he locked himself in the bathroom and did the only thing that made sense to him.

The only reason he was saved in time was because when he'd fallen unconscious, he was near the door and the pool of his blood went under the door where Michael saw it and called 911. After that, Michael had left. And Castiel's father hadn't even gone to the hospital a single minute to see his son.

Dean's fingers would lace with Castiel's, holding them tight and trying to give him whatever comfort he could. As Cas would talk about his past few years, he gradually accepted it. He began to understand what had happened and why it had happened through his narration to Dean. And telling the whole story was a huge weight off of his chest that he never knew could be lifted.

Together, Dean and Cas would share memories, good and bad, and they started put each other back together again. Sometimes Sam would visit with Dean and he'd just listen while the two talked and would occasionally share his own stories, but mostly he would just watch them. Sometimes Jo would visit instead and she'd sit in as mediator, or she would tell Cas stories of younger Dean and revel in Dean's embarrassment.

But eventually, the day came for Cas to leave the hospital.

* * *

A/N: A little anecdote: For about five years now I've dealt with dysthymia (mild chronic depression) and I kind of built Castiel's story around my own in the way that it would come and go, however I gave him major depression to fit with the suicide attempt and the timeline etc... The part about the breathing, though, that's all me. There was a similar situation I found where I would just see this kid at my school sitting alone in the mornings and doing nothing except breathing. And ever since, I love going to high places or just standing outside in the middle of the night to just breathe the air because it's the only thing that I have control over sometimes. Anyway, I just wanted to show the relation with that, and hopefully this chapter didn't make you too sad..


	6. Starting

It was a Saturday, early-December, when they released Cas. Dean was there as he had been every single day before. Cas had been walking fine since the second day he was at the hospital, but because of his emotional status, the doctors kept him under supervision and wouldn't let him outside. They also kept him in intensive care, not daring to move him to the mental ward. Dean figured they were overreacting, but they apparently thought that just having Dean around was enough to help Cas.

That afternoon, when Cas was ready to leave, he stood outside for a few minutes and felt the sun on his face for the first time in over two weeks. Dean pulled up in the Impala and said bluntly that he was taking Cas home. Not minding at all, Cas gratefully accepted the ride, though he dreaded going back to the place he'd left.

After a while, though, he noticed that Dean seemed to be going the wrong way. "Dean, do you need directions?" he asked.

Dean shrugged and hid a smile. "Nope," was all he would say. Cas watched him warily, suspicious of the way Dean was acting. Eventually they pulled up in front of a normal looking brown house. "We're just making a stop on the way," he said, getting out of the car.

Cas followed him to the door and inside the house, feeling apprehensive but curious. Suddenly as they entered the kitchen, Sam, Jo, Adam and Ash all jumped up and shouted, "Welcome!" It was Jo's house that Dean had brought him to, he figured.

He then noticed the large hanging sign on the wall that said "CONGRATULATIONS" and wondered lightly what they were congratulating him for. But the smiles of everyone else were infectious and Cas soon found himself relaxing.

There were hugs all around and Cas felt like he was a part of the gang. He was surprised that they'd thrown a party for him, but when he voiced his surprise, Dean just tossed him a smirk and held his hand.

They all spent the evening around the kitchen table with a box of pizza and various games. The sound of laughter filled the house and filled Castiel's heart. It was too soon that the night came and the moon rose high and Dean declared it time to go home. He ushered Cas to the car and dragged out a sleepy Sam who immediately crashed in the backseat.

Dean had a tranquil air about him that soothed the apprehension that Cas began to feel again. But, for the second time that day, Dean didn't take Cas to his house, and instead brought him to his own house.

Once inside, Dean carried Sam to the boy's bed before explaining anything to Cas. After that though, he led Cas to the guest bedroom, which had a few bags lying on the bed that looked familiar.

Finally, sitting on the bed, Dean began to explain. "You're going to be staying here for at least a few weeks, if not more. It kind of depends on your dad, but I talked to the people in the hospital and some others and we worked out that you would stay here until you got better before going back home."

Cas soaked that in, sitting beside Dean and glancing over the room. "How did you get my stuff?" he asked after a moment.

Dean looked at him with a sheepish smile. "A few days ago, I took your phone while you were sleeping and called Michael. Don't worry, everything is fine, I just told him what was going on and explained some of the stuff you told me. He didn't say much, but he did say to 'get Cas the hell out of that house,' and gave me your address. Then I planned all this out.

"We won't be here alone though," Dean added. "Bobby and his wife Karen are coming here next week to stay with us. My dad actually left for Kansas City yesterday to go to a rehab center there for a few months and that's why Bobby's coming. But I figured I might as well keep you here, too, since there's not really any other choice and I don't want you back where you were before."

When Dean finished, he brought his eyes to Cas who was staring at him open-mouthed. "All of this… for me?" Cas was stunned.

Dean blushed lightly and replied mildly, "Yeah." He gestured to the few bags. "I didn't really know what all you wanted, but I was kind of trespassing so I did the best I could. We can go back in a couple days if you need. Plus, I don't think your dad knows anything that's happening so you might need to tell him soon," Dean said slowly.

"Dean, I—" Cas broke off, but Dean just smiled knowingly.

"I know, Cas. Well," he stood up, "I'll leave you to it then. Welcome to your temporary home!" With that he left the room and retreated to his own, quickly changing before collapsing onto his bed.

There was a deep exhaustion in his bones, but Dean's mind was still racing. His emotions were complicated with everything that was going on, but the one thing he knew for sure was that he was happy Cas was staying with him.

It was probably an hour later when Cas quietly slipped out of his new room after unpacking the few things that Dean had picked up for him. He padded past Sam's room and hesitated outside Dean's for just a moment before entering, silent as a ghost.

There was faint light coming from the window where a streetlight was just outside on the curb and its yellow light shone through the blinds. In the light, Cas could see Dean's outline on the bed that rested against one wall. He moved towards it and crawled in beside Dean's still form.

"Sam…?" Dean's whisper cut through the silence as Cas laid next to him.

"No. Dean," Cas said softly, watching as Dean's green eyes slowly opened and made out his face in the dimness. Dean took a deep breath and let it out with a smile, reaching out one hand to run down Castiel's arm. It moved over the tight stitches down his forearm and took hold of his hand, intertwining their fingers.

Dean breathed, "Hey, Cas," in greeting and rested their joined hands in the space between them. They lay like that for a while, and Dean almost thought that Cas had fallen asleep when the blue-eyed boy dragged himself closer and put his forehead against Dean's.

"Cas," Dean began, "are you… okay? Like, actually okay?"

Cas was caught off guard by the question, but he thought about it for a moment. "No, I'm not _okay_. But I feel like I'm getting there."

Dean nodded slightly. "Am I helping at all? Because half the time I don't really know what I'm doing and I feel like I'm not—" He was cut off as Cas put a finger to Dean's lips and he opened his eyes to find Cas looking at him.

"Just having you around helps me," he whispered. Dean blinked languidly as the corner of his mouth turned up slightly.

"Good." Dean gently brought his lips to Castiel's mouth and savored the feeling it gave him. He wanted more than just that, but he didn't want to pressure Cas, so he pulled away after a moment. But Cas wouldn't let him go.

Cas kissed him, slowly moving his mouth with Dean and put his arms around him. The space between them was nonexistent as they sank into each other, bodies fitting perfectly together. Dean's hands roamed across Castiel's back and under the hem of his t-shirt, lightly caressing his bare skin. Tightening his arms around Cas, Dean suddenly rolled to his back, pulling Cas on top of him and running his hands across the other boy's spine.

Their mouths moved as one, both quietly enjoying the other. It was slow and gentle and Dean wished that it would never end, but eventually Cas grew sleepy and settled in beside him. It wasn't long before they both were asleep, feeling safe in each other's arms.

* * *

A/N: I almost feel like this could be a place to stop... but don't worry, this is nowhere near the end of things! I hope the whole Cas living with Dean thing isn't too confusing, I tried to explain the best I could... Anywho, thanks so much for your continued support! It means a lot!


	7. Believe

The next morning Dean was making pancakes when Cas entered the kitchen, his hair messy from sleep. Dean's eyes met his for a second before turning back to the stove where he scooped the last of the pancakes onto a plate already piled high with them

"Hope you like pancakes," Dean said, moving towards hall. "Sammy! Breakfast!" he called loudly. His hands found the edge of the counter and he leaned back against it, waiting for his brother to come out.

Cas stepped over to him, looking happy, and slipped his arms around Dean's neck. Dean wrapped his own arms around Cas and kissed him deeply and softly. But, they were rudely interrupted a moment later by Sam.

"Ew, that's worse than seeing your parents make-out," he said, scooting past them and grabbing the plate of pancakes to bring to the table. Dean grinned and let go of Cas. They both joined Sam and dug into the sweet breakfast, each enjoying the others' company.

A few hours later, all three boys were curled up on the couch and watching some random show on TV in which there were two brothers hunting something called a wendigo. Dean wasn't very interested in the show, he thought the elder brother was a bit too cocky for his own good, but Cas seemed to like it so Dean didn't try to change the channel.

When the show was over, Cas, who had his head resting on Dean's stomach, sat up and looked like he was going to say something. Dean watched him for a moment, waiting, but Cas eventually settled back in as another episode of the strange show started.

Halfway through, though, he sat up again during a commercial break and said, "I want to see my father today."

Dean gave him a worried look. "I'm not so sure that's a good idea," he replied slowly.

Cas just blinked. "I don't want to stay for long, but I should tell him that I'm not going to be living there for a while longer, if ever again."

Raising his brows, Dean glanced at Sam on the other side of the couch. The younger brother shrugged and mouthed, "Okay," with a grimace on his lips. Dean's eyes were brought back to Cas and he shrugged too.

"Alright, if you really want to. When do you wanna go?"

Cas thought for a moment. "After the show is over," he answered, resting his head on Dean again and moving his attention to the TV. Sam met Dean's eyes and the elder brother laughed quietly.

Selfishly, Dean was half hoping that Cas would fall asleep or be sucked into the next show that came on so that they didn't have to leave. But, when the show ended, Cas got up and went back to his room to get ready.

"Think you can hold the fort if we're gone a couple hours?" Dean asked Sam, stretching his arms above his head.

"Yeah. I'm just worried." Sam brought his knees to his chin and watched the TV screen blankly.

Dean reached over and patted his shoulder lightly. "Yeah, me too. But I'm not gonna let him out of my sight." He stood and moved towards the hall, calling over his shoulder, "And no parties, girls, or alcohol!"

Sammy's laughter followed him through the house until he got to his room and slipped on his shoes. He ran his fingers through his short hair before grabbing his jacket and keys and heading to Castiel's room. Dean found Cas sitting on the bed and staring at the black stitches that crisscrossed from his wrists nearly to his elbows on both arms. He looked up when Dean entered.

"We don't have to go today, Cas," he said, leaning against the doorway.

Cas shook his head. "No. Today's the day I should."

"Alright. If you're sure…" Dean led the way to the Impala.

During the drive, Dean tried to give ample time for Cas to change his mind, but it seemed Cas was dead set on going. Eventually they arrived and Cas stood in the driveway staring at the house for a full two minutes before moving to the door and ringing the doorbell. Dean didn't ask why Cas didn't just go in, but instead took the boy's hand as they waited.

After a short time, the door was answered by a stout, mostly bald man, who had a sour look on his face that showed only slight surprise at seeing his son.

"Castiel," he said in monotone. "What are you doing here?"

Cas took a breath and hesitated only a second. "You didn't come to see me at the hospital." Mr. Novak didn't say anything so Cas continued after a pause. "I'm not living here anymore. I'm staying with Dean for a while before finding my own place to live."

At the mention of Dean, Mr. Novak dubiously eyed him and their joined hands but didn't acknowledge Dean further than that. "Fine," he eventually replied, moving to close the door.

Dean's foot stopped him, though. "Fine? That's all you have to say?" Dean's voice was filled with disbelief and he felt the urge to throttle the man. "You're son tried to kill himself and all you have to say is 'fine'?!" He didn't realize he was yelling until Cas tugged his arm and made him take a step back. Mr. Novak didn't say anything and, instead, closed the door in reply.

"What is it with shit fathers these days?" he asked rhetorically, stomping back to the Impala. Cas trailed after him quietly, but when Dean opened the door on his car, Cas stopped and stared at the ground.

"Cas?" Dean called softly, shutting the door and watching Cas from across the roof.

"I don't know what I expected, coming here," Cas said after a moment. "But, I suppose I should have expected that."

Dean went around the car and put his arms around Cas, letting the other boy bury his face into Dean's neck. "He's just a jackass," Dean told him, trying for a soothing tone. He rubbed Castiel's back lightly and held him, but his eyes wandered back to the house. There, in the front window, Dean saw the curtains move and Mr. Novak's head show slightly.

Dean covertly flipped him the bird as Cas let him go and got into the car. The balding head disappeared and Dean drove home.

* * *

A/N: I'd first like to thank the academy... haha, I'm kidding. But, seriously, thank you everyone for your continued support. I'm happy that so many of you like this story! And your reviews brighten my days! I'm thinking there's probably going to be five or six more chapters, but there could be extra, we'll just have to wait and see. P.S. If you didn't notice, I moved the rating to M because of some things that are going to happen in the near future... so be prepared (I'll give you a hint, it's mostly for gore that I'm raising the rating, but there's some slash stuff coming up too..)


	8. Regression

A/N: Fair warning, this chapter could quite possibly break your heart. It kinda broke mine to write...

* * *

The next day was Monday and all three boys had to return to school. The day went normally, with the exception that Cas sat with Dean and his friends at lunch and, for once, Dean actually went to history class with Jo. Tuesday passed in much the same manner, but Wednesday, when Dean went to wake up Cas for school, he found something unexpected.

The two hadn't slept together since the first night Cas was out of the hospital. They had decided to take things kind of slow because it was what Cas wanted, even though Dean didn't like the idea as much. During the day, though, they were always close, but Dean was afraid Sam would keep to his threat of barging in at random times so he'd been holding back a lot. But each morning, he would wake up Cas, since alarms never seemed to do the trick, and they would cuddle for a short time while Cas woke all the way up.

That Wednesday, though, Dean went into Castiel's room to find him already awake and pacing the floor.

"Cas? Are you okay?" Dean called hesitantly.

Cas glanced at him, startled that he was suddenly standing in the doorway, before looking at the clock and seeming to realize the time. "No. No, I'm not okay," he said after a moment, still pacing with jerky movements. "I didn't sleep at all last night, and now I'll probably fall asleep in class, and then the teachers will be angry with me, and so—"

Dean cut him off by grabbing his arm and sitting him on the bed while saying, "Hey, hey, it's alright. You don't have to go to school today. You can stay home and sleep if you want."

Castiel's fervent gaze met his and Dean saw some sort of deep craze in his blue eyes. "No, I have to go. I can't miss more class."

Dean shushed him, though. "Cas, you're still recovering. No one's gonna be mad if you want to take a day off." He paused and kneeled down before Cas. "Just take a deep breath, and relax." Cas did as he was told and tried to focus on just breathing. Eventually his heartbeat calmed down and the fervor lessened in his eyes and mind.

"I'll tell your teachers that you're staying here, and I'll even pick up your work if you want me to," Dean coerced. Finally Cas nodded in assent and let Dean put him back into bed, kissing him in the forehead once before leaving him to wake up Sam.

A while later, just before he and Sam left, Dean poked his head around Castiel's door to make sure he was sleeping. He was satisfied only when he went in to touch his cheek gently and the boy didn't stir.

Throughout the day, Dean did as he'd said and retrieved make-up work from all of Cas' teachers. But for the most part, he spent the day on the roof, worrying about Cas. During fifth period, Jo found her way up there and sat with him on the edge of the building.

"You never skip class," Dean remarked after a bout of comfortable silence.

Jo just shrugged. "I'm making an exception. Plus, it's art, so it's not like it matters." Dean laughed at that. "But, in all seriousness, I'm worried about you," she continued.

"Worried about _me_? Why?" Dean's eyes found hers with utter confusion. His head was still wrapped around Cas.

Waving her hands, Jo explained, "Well it's the whole Cas thing. I mean he's living with you now, and Bobby isn't gonna be here until Saturday, and you're spending a lot of time together…" she trailed off.

"Where are you going with this?" Dean asked, missing the point.

Jo sighed. "I just want you to be careful with him. He's in a fragile state right now and maybe being around you all the time isn't a good thing."

Dean looked incredulous. "He's the one who said to me that me being around helps him! And it's not like I spent every waking, or sleeping, hour with the guy. We're in the same house, but I give him space, and anyway he wants to take things slow between us, which I'm fine with." It was Jo's turn to give him a skeptical look.

Relenting, Dean continued with a roll of his eyes. "Okay, maybe I don't really like it, but I want to help him and if this is what it takes then it's done. I just don't want to see him hurt more." He looked at his hands, voice soft.

Jo rested her hand on his arm. "I get it, Dean, I do; I want him to get better, too." She took in a deep breath. "If it's what he wants and he's okay with it, then I guess it's fine. But don't screw things up." She smoothed over her tone with a smile but Dean grimaced in return.

"Thanks," he replied sarcastically. After a while, she left for her next class, but Dean stayed on the roof until the end of the day. Sam met up with him outside of school but asked if he could go to his friend Jessica's house with Brady for a couple of hours. Dean let him go with a promise to play nice which Sam gave in a grunt before running off.

Dean made his way home slowly, wanting to be back with Cas, but his head was so full with everything that he was having a hard time concentrating on just driving. He arrived to find the house quiet. It was discomforting, and he didn't even have Sam there to help fill the house. He was just wondering if Cas was still sleeping when he heard a noise coming from the bathroom. It sounded like someone crying.

Knocking on the door once, Dean called out, "Cas, you okay?" The sound of crying quieted but Cas didn't answer so Dean went in. He found Cas sitting on the floor, his arms slowly oozing blood onto the tile. Castiel's face turned to Dean and his blue eyes were filled with tears that trickled down his face and splashed onto his bleeding wrists.

"Dean…" Cas whispered as Dean fell to his knees beside him, his face frozen in shock. "I'm sorry…" His voice was so quiet that Dean could barely hear him even as he cradled the crying boy's head against his chest.

"It's okay. It's okay, Cas," he mumbled in reply, over and over, rocking Cas lightly. After a long while Dean let go of Cas and examined his face, silently wiping his cheeks. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up," he eventually said, helping Cas to sit on the edge of the bathtub. Dean retrieved a couple of small towels and gently washed away the blood from Castiel's arms.

He revealed that Cas hadn't done much damage but seemed to have just picked at the ends of the wounds, causing them to bleed profusely though it was only a small thing. Dean got out the first aid and disinfected the raw skin before wrapping both of Cas' wrists in gauze, covering the entirety of the stitches.

When he was done, Cas had stopped crying, but he was refusing to look at Dean even when Dean cupped his chin and raised his head. There was an expression of the deepest sadness on his face and in his eyes that made Dean's heart clench unpleasantly.

After a moment, Dean grasped his hands and pulled Cas to his feet, leading him out of the bathroom and down the hall to Dean's room. There, Dean fell onto the bed and held Cas close to him.

"Dean," Cas murmured sometime later, "I'm sorry that—"

But Dean shushed him and ran his fingers through his black hair. "Don't," he whispered onto the top of his head. "It's okay, really. You're okay."

They both knew what he really meant, but neither wanted to voice it so the two just lay together silently until Cas finally fell asleep. When Dean was sure he was sleeping, he disentangled himself and snuck out of the room.

Once he was out, he quietly cleaned up the bloody mess in the bathroom before going into the main room and calling Jo. He was pacing across the floor nervously, but she picked up after three rings.

"Dean? What's up?" she asked in greeting.

"It's Cas. He's getting worse." Jo didn't ask what he meant, but just let him breathe for a second before he launched into the story.

Jo took everything in. "There really isn't anything you can do. The hospital sent a few months' worth of meds home with him and you said he's been taking them every day. It's probably just going to take time for them to work and for him to get better. Until then, just keep your eyes peeled and try to make sure this doesn't happen again."

"I know that, Jo. It's just… what if it does happen again? What if I don't get to him in time and something really bad happens. What if he ends up dying?" Paranoia was present in Dean's voice, but he tried to remain calm.

"What happens will happen," Jo told him. "The only thing you can do is try your best."

"Yeah, okay," Dean replied hesitantly. "Thanks."

Jo made a noise that he took to mean "no problem". "Do you want me to come over? Or if you need I can call Sam and tell him to come here when he leaves Jessica's."

Dean thought for a moment. "Actually, yeah, could you call Sam? I mean, if it's alright if he stays there tonight," he added quickly.

Jo didn't answer for a moment and Dean heard a jumble of voices through the earpiece. "Yeah, my mom says it's totally fine. I'll take him to school tomorrow, too."

Breathing out in relief Dean said, "Thanks, Jo. I really appreciate it. And tell Ellen thanks for me, too, please."

"Sure, Dean." It seemed to Dean that she was going to say something more, but all she said was, "I'll call him now. Love you, bye." Dean barely had time to say his "goodbye" before she hung up.

Shoving his phone into his pocket, Dean rubbed his temples and made his way back to his room where Cas was still sleeping. He crawled onto the bed beside Cas and kissed his head, putting his arms around him.

"I love you," he breathed into the boy's curly hair. Cas didn't stir, but Dean closed his head and held him tight, imagining Castiel's voice whispering, "I love you, too."


	9. Together

A/N: I swear, this chapter would have been super long if I hadn't cut it off. As it is, it's kind of short and completely about Dean and Cas, but the next one is where things pick up again with other people! Thank you everyone still with this! Enjoy~

* * *

It was dark, but he didn't care. He didn't need to see to be able to touch every inch of the warm body beside him. It was a comfortable warmth with skin against bare skin and his hands moved with a calm gentleness, accustomed to the fragility of the body he was touching.

"Dean."

He made a humming noise in reply to the voice calling for him.

"Dean!" the voice said more insistently.

But he just kissed the warm body wherever he touched it. He savored the warm softness of the moment and ignored the voice calling for him. Finally though, he felt someone shaking his shoulder and he opened his eyes to find himself lying on his stomach on his bed. The images from his dream slowly slipped from his mind as he saw Cas sitting next to him on the edge of the bed.

"What?" Dean asked, sitting up. "What time is it?"

He yawned as Cas replied, "About three o'clock. Sam just got home and you've been sleeping all day."

Dean groaned. "You were sleeping, too, for a while," he retorted groggily.

Cas smiled lightly. "I've been up for a few hours already."

"Why didn't you wake me up?" Dean stood and stretched his back, glancing at the other boy who just shrugged.

"You seemed like you were having a good dream."

Dean smirked. "Oh, I _was _having a good dream. So good in fact that I think I'd like to make it real." He leaned towards Cas and kissed him, pushing the blue-eyed boy onto his back and kneeling over him.

Cas didn't say anything but kissed him back enthusiastically. His hands ran through Dean's hair, holding his mouth hard against his own. They pulled apart after a moment though when the door opened without warning and Sam stepped in.

"Hey, Dean—" he stopped, surprised at seeing them. Cas blushed a deep pink under Dean but the elder brother didn't move except to look at Sam. "Uh," Sam continued after a moment. "Bobby just called and said they'll be here early; around dinnertime tomorrow."

"Awesome," Dean replied. Sam just stood there staring for another minute before Dean gave him a look. "You can go now, Sammy," he told his brother with a grin. He put his lips back near Cas and left a trail of soft kisses on his jawline.

When he heard the door close he moved back to look at Cas before bursting out laughing. Cas looked at him with raised eyebrows. Dean just kissed him again, the quiet sound of laughter still echoing in his throat.

"Dean, you probably just scarred your brother for life," Cas said after a moment.

"And I care…?" Dean had his lips at Castiel's neck, and the boy under him shivered at his warm breath on his skin.

Cas cleared his throat. "Well maybe we shouldn't be… right now," he stuttered out.

Dean nibbled on his ear, whispering huskily, "Are you sure about that?" Cas didn't answer. Instead, he closed his eyes, knotting his fingers in Dean's messy, short hair while he kissed Castiel's collarbone.

Cas' cool hands moved across Dean's shoulders and to the edge of his tee shirt, roaming underneath and over his hips and waist. Eventually they found themselves on his chest and suddenly Cas pushed him away. Dean looked down at him, hands on either side of his body while Castiel's were still on his bare chest under his shirt.

"Not now, Dean," Cas whispered, his bright eyes seeing mild surprise and a little hurt in Dean's green ones.

Dean slid off of him and stood, fixing his shirt. "Alright." He paused, looking anywhere but at Cas. "You hungry?" Cas nodded after a second and he added, "I'll go make something, then."

He left the room, but Cas stayed where he was on the edge of the bed for a few minutes, still feeling Dean's mouth all over him.

Night came and went quietly and they fell back into their regular pattern, all three boys heading to school together the next day. History came around for Dean, and even though it wasn't a Monday, he still skipped out and went to sit on the roof. The days were getting shorter and the air colder and they only had one more week before they were out for winter break.

There was a chill wind that nipped at Dean's cheeks and made him cross his arms over his chest to stay warm. He was watching the ground instead of the sky for once, feeling that the cold sky couldn't give him answers no matter how hard he looked.

Dean glanced up when he heard footsteps walking across the roof towards him. It was Cas, surprisingly, and Dean looked back down at the ground while Cas sat next to him.

"I'm sorry about yesterday…" Cas mumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets.

"Don't be," Dean replied. "It's fine. I know you want to take things slowly. I should be saying sorry for pushing you."

Cas watched him with wide eyes. "Dean… I want to. It's just hard to… to get into it when I feel so empty all the time," he said jerkily.

"You don't have to explain it to me, Cas." Dean's voice was quiet as he met Castiel's gaze. "I understand. I wanna help you feel better, but I don't know how." They held a silent conversation of emotions for a few minutes until the bell finally rang. Dean kissed Cas on the forehead lightly before standing and heading back inside for class.


	10. Careful

After school the boys headed home together. Dean was excited that Bobby was coming down from South Dakota, but he was also feeling tendrils of dread in his body. He watched Cas for a moment before turning his eyes back to the road.

"Guys, there's a couple things I should say before Bobby and Karen get here," he said with a sigh once they were home. Cas and Sam both sat on the couch and prompted him to continue. "I've talked to Bobby about everything with Dad," he directed at Sam. "And he kinda knows why Cas is here. But he doesn't know about _us_," he added, looking at Cas. "And I think that we should keep it on the down-low for a while."

"But, Dean, you two are—" Sam was cut off by Dean.

"I know, but we don't know how they'll react. And I don't want them to try and make Cas leave."

"They won't—"

"We don't know that yet, Cas!" Dean let out a long breath, trying to relax his shoulders.

"Look," Sam said, "don't worry about it too much, Dean." He stood up and patted his brother's shoulder. "He couldn't really do anything even if he wanted to. You're too stubborn for your own good." Sam gave him an affectionate smile and went to the kitchen. "I'm making lasagna for dinner. Bobby and Karen should be here in a couple of hours."

Dean nodded at him and picked up his backpack from where he'd tossed it to the floor. His footsteps echoed down the hallway as he went to his room and flopped down on the bed. The next thing he knew, the doorbell rang twice and Dean jumped out of bed and ran through the house.

"Bobby!" he heard Sam call out as the door opened. Dean went around the corner and saw the big man and his thin wife step into the house.

"Hey, Sammy!" Bobby laughed and enveloped the boy in a hug.

"Sam!" Karen took her turn and ruffled Sam's hair before turning to Dean who had just arrived in front of them.

"Hey, Karen," he said with a smile, hugging her and breathing in the familiar scent of peaches and bread off her dress.

Bobby smacked him playfully on the shoulder and hugged him, too. "You look like hell, Dean, but I'm sure glad to see you idjits again!"

Sam laughed, but Dean just led them further into the house. Cas was awkwardly leaning on the counter and straightened when the group gathered around him.

"Bobby, Karen, this is Cas," Dean introduced him, gesturing between the both of them. Tension was heavy as they greeted each other and the room fell to silence.

Finally, Sam broke the air saying, "Alright, well dinner is in an hour, I made lasagna. You guys probably have enough time to settle in." He was looking at Bobby and Karen and they took their leave to the master bedroom, the one that John used to live in but it hadn't been slept in for months.

Once they had left, Sam flopped onto the couch and let out a breath. He looked over at Dean and Cas standing together by the counter and told them with a half-smile, "Dinner is going to be the fun part."

And so, an hour later they were all seated around the table with homemade lasagna courtesy of Sam and his growing cooking skills.

"This is really good, Sam!" Karen praised him, making him beam at her.

"Thanks. I don't usually make stuff, but I have been recently. Dean's cooking kind of sucks," he added in a low voice.

Dean glared at him playfully. "Hey, my cooking isn't that bad. You've survived on it, haven't you?" Sam laughed but they all fell quiet again after.

"So, Cas," Bobby began, looking across the table to where Cas was sitting next to Dean. "How'd you and Dean get to be friends?"

Cas opened his mouth to reply, but his eyes flicked to Dean who answered first with a simple, "We met at school."

Bobby gave him a look but his eyes moved back to Cas. "So, we been wondering, Cas," he began slowly, "Why aren't you staying with your family?"

Dean looked at him pointedly, trying to convey that it was not an appropriate question. Even Sam's eyes flickered to Bobby and then to Dean before looking back at his plate and taking a bite of lasagna.

"My… family?" He paused, trying to find words, and Dean's hand found Castiel's thigh under the table. "I lived with my dad, but he didn't care about me. My mother and brothers moved away a few years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that, hun," Karen said quietly after a moment. Cas nodded in thanks and returned to his lasagna.

Once everyone was done, Karen took the liberty of doing the dishes before saying that she was going to retire after the long day of driving. "But, tomorrow, I'll go grocery shopping and make your favorite pie," she said, heading down the hallway, directing the last bit at Dean who grinned.

Bobby followed soon after Karen and left the boys to get themselves to bed. Dean himself was beat and headed to his own bed, though it wasn't very late. But he couldn't sleep and spent the first half of the night tossing and turning, his brain refusing to shut down.

Eventually, he heard his door quietly open and close and someone crawl into bed beside him. He resisted the want to reach out, especially when he opened his eyes and found bright blue ones staring straight into his. He closed them again and sighed, ignoring the ache to touch Cas.

They lay close without touching for a few minutes before Cas moved closer and put his hand on Dean's cheek. He must have noticed how Dean was holding back because he asked, "What's wrong?" Dean could feel those blue eyes searching his face but he didn't open his eyes and didn't answer. Hesitantly, Cas added, "Is it because I'm… the way I am?"

Dean looked at Cas finally. "No! No," he said quickly, reaching up to put his hand over Castiel's, which had moved to his neck. "I just don't like having to hide… to hide us."

Cas seemed to not know what to say so Dean continued. "Cas I—" He broke off, uncertainty filling him in the dimness. Taking a deep breath, he finished steadily, "I love you." Dean stared into Castiel's wide blue eyes

"But… Dean…" he stuttered out.

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything," Dean whispered. "I just wanted to get that off my chest, though." He laughed nervously.

Then, Cas scooted closer and brought their mouths together. Dean melted into the kiss and felt a little lonely when Cas retreated a minute later.

"I… I love you too, Dean," he finally said. He smiled tentatively as Dean's face lit up and they kissed again. Cas curled into Dean's chest and they both fell asleep quickly.


	11. Cold

They all spent Saturday getting Bobby and Karen settled. It really didn't take too much time though, and before noon all the guys were lounging by the TV while Karen was grocery shopping. Dean was painfully keeping his distance from Cas; he just hoped that no one could see the physical strain it had on him. Thankfully it didn't last long, and soon Karen came back, loaded with supplies for pies.

"Come on, boys, we're making pie!" she called out excitedly, eliciting groans from Sam and Dean. They both reluctantly got up and went to the kitchen where Karen was laying out ingredients. The two brothers washed up and fell into the familiar assembly line that they had perfected over the years.

Karen made the dough and set the insides of the tins; Dean mixed up the filling and poured it in after; Sam fixed the top and made them all look pretty. They only made three pies, but Cas, who had leaned his elbows on the other side of the counter and was watching the procession, thought it was amazing that they worked together so well.

"I never knew you liked pie," Cas said to Dean quietly after they were all done and the first pie was baking in the oven.

Dean looked at him with raised brows. "Pie makes the world go round, Cas. And Karen's pies are the _best_." Cas laughed at the bright look in his eyes. He felt his own heart warm a little at the real happiness in Dean's smile.

Turning to Karen, Dean asked, "Is it fine if I invite Jo for dinner tomorrow?"

"Sure, hun. I haven't seen her in a long time!" Karen replied absently.

"Awesome. I'll be right back," he told Cas, heading out the front door and pulling his phone from his pocket. The cold air hung heavy around him and Dean wondered if it would snow soon as he dialed Jo. She picked up after a few rings.

"Hey, Dean," she greeted him, voice light.

"Bobby and Karen are here now," he said, pacing on the driveway. "I was wondering if you wanna come over tomorrow night for dinner with everyone? Catch up a bit?"

"Sure! Sounds great. I'll be over early afternoon."

"See you then."

"See ya."

Dean hung up and headed back inside. Cas had disappeared and Sam was pulling out Scrabble from the cupboard to play with Karen.

"Wanna play, Dean?" Sam called over to him.

"Nah, not right now, thanks," Dean replied, heading down the hallway. He went by his room and tossed his phone onto his bed before moving towards Castiel's room.

The door was open halfway and he saw Cas sitting on the bed. "Yeah, it's fine," he was saying quietly into his cell. "I know." Dean thought about entering the room, but figured that it would be rude. Plus, he was curious.

"No, I get it," Cas continued after a moment. "I'm not, really. I'm doing better here. Yeah, I guess that'd be fine." He bit his lip, listening, and Dean moved back in the hallway when his head turned towards the door. "Sure, whenever. Okay. Bye." He hung up and flopped back onto the bed with a sigh.

Dean gave himself a moment to gather his thoughts before striding in as if he hadn't just heard Cas talking. "Hey, what's up?" he asked, a little too nicely, sitting beside Cas.

"The ceiling," Cas replied with a straight face. "Maybe a bird." He turned his head to Dean who laughed at him.

"Whatever you say, Cas," Dean told him, brushing the boy's dark hair from his forehead.

"Dean!" they both heard, Karen's voice echoing down the hall.

Dean gave Cas a look and said, "Duty calls!" before pecking him lightly on the lips and leaving for the kitchen.

The next day rolled around quickly and it was already early afternoon when Dean went outside to sit on the porch steps. It was a clear, cold day and he had his hands shoved in the pockets of his leather jacket, amusing himself by watching his breath in the air. He didn't know exactly when Jo would arrive, but he was content with just waiting in the sunlight.

It was more than an hour later when he glanced down the street and saw a familiar figure walking about a quarter-mile off. He waved a hand over his head and saw her wave back. He knew it was Jo just by the way she moved. Waiting patiently, Dean watched as she stepped into the street, but he suddenly noticed something. Dean stood and shouted out a warning, starting to run.

And then the car hit her.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry this is so short, but I love cliffhangers and I just had to cut it off there! Next one is super long though... Another thanks for everyone's continued support! You are all fabulous!


	12. Fade

Even from a distance, Dean could clearly see Jo's body like a ragdoll as she was propelled onto the hood of the car and all the way over, landing behind it as the vehicle came to a sudden stop. As Dean neared it, a man who looked to be only a few years older than him stepped out of the car and looked around wildly.

Ignoring him, Dean ran straight to where Jo was lying, twisted and bleeding on the asphalt. Dean grasped her shoulder and pulled her over to see her face. She was unconscious, her head bleeding and it looked like her leg was bent the wrong way. It was then that he saw the huge gash that had ripped through her jacket and shirt and into her side. He glanced at the car but couldn't see what had caused the cut.

It was bleeding heavily though and when Dean peeled away the fabric he could see that it was deeper than he thought, and wider, gaping open, and Dean could almost see her insides. Instinct taking over, Dean put his hands on her side and put pressure on the wound, trying to hold her together.

All of this had taken less than thirty seconds for Dean to take in and when he looked up at the driver, he was still standing awkwardly, staring in shock at Jo's body.

"Call an ambulance!" Dean shouted at him, startling the man into doing so. Dean leaned over Jo, calling her name. He could see her chest moving, but slower and slower her breath entered and left her lungs. With one bloody hand, Dean brought his fingers to her throat and felt her heartbeat thumping hard, but too slow.

He continued to keep pressure on Jo's side as sirens echoed through the neighborhood. An ambulance screeched to a halt somewhere behind Dean and three men jumped out. One shooed away Dean and took his place while the other two retrieved a gurney from the back of the ambulance.

A police car suddenly showed up and two policemen got out. Dean faintly heard them say something to him, but he was in a deep stupor and couldn't process anything but the sight of Jo's body being placed on the gurney and strapped down. The police turned from him and went instead to the other man. Cas appeared at Dean's elbow, startling him into looking away from Jo.

"Cas?" he said stupidly, looking into Castiel's sad blue eyes.

Those blue eyes glanced over his shoulder at the driver who'd hit Jo. "That's my brother, Michael," he whispered.

Dean looked at Michael and then Jo. They had already loaded her and were about to close the doors of the ambulance. "I have to go," he told Cas, heading towards Jo and hopping in the ambulance. He watched Cas through the small window as they pulled away and headed towards the hospital, barely hearing the men with him as they loudly shared the various stats they were getting from Jo.

When they arrived at the hospital, multiple nurses rushed out and quickly got Jo out, listening to the fast synopsis of her condition from the others and immediately taking her into surgery. They kept Dean out though, making him wait outside the doors, hands still covered in Jo's blood, which had also gotten on his shirt and jacket sleeves. After pacing for a few minutes, Dean sighed and made his way into the waiting area, pulling out his phone to call Ellen, trusting that Cas would tell everyone else.

"Hey, hun, what's happening?" Ellen asked pleasantly when she picked up.

Dean hesitated. His words came out in a rush as he told her, "It's Jo. She got hit by a car and I'm in the hospital right now. They just took her in for surgery."

Ellen didn't say anything for a moment, but Dean could hear her choked breathing. "How bad is it?" she whispered.

"It's bad," he replied slowly. "I think you need to get here as soon as you can. I don't know how long they'll take but…" he trailed off.

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes," Ellen said, hanging up.

Dean fell into a chair to wait and tried to ignore the various hospital sounds that he had just been beginning to forget after Cas had been released. It felt like hours but was only about twenty minutes later when Dean saw Ellen heading through the doors and past reception to where he was.

"Anything?" she asked frantically stopping before him. Dean shook his head and she sighed, taking the seat next to him.

There was a tense quiet between them until Dean spoke suddenly. "She was crossing the road and I could see her and then it was like the car just appeared out of nowhere and—"

"It's okay, Dean, I know it's not your fault. It was an accident, right?" Ellen seemed to fight past the worry and fear to give a small, sad smile at his nod and pat his arm.

It wasn't too much later that everyone else—meaning Bill, Bobby, Karen, Cas, and Sam—showed up in the waiting area. Ellen's husband hugged her as Dean stood and Cas took him into his arms. Dean buried his face into the other boy's neck and clutched at him, not caring who was around.

"Come on, Dean, I'll help you clean up," Cas said quietly, leading Dean to a bathroom nearby. Dean didn't say anything to anyone else but followed Cas silently, watching the floor. In the bathroom, Dean washed the dried blood off his hands and sat on the counter while Cas wiped it off of his sleeves. When he was mildly cleaner Cas stood directly in front of him, resting his forehead against Dean's.

Dean closed his eyes, hands on top of Castiel's which were resting on his legs. "What can I do?" Cas whispered. Shaking his head, Dean didn't reply, wanting something but knowing there was nothing anyone could do at that moment.

Eventually the two made their way back to the congregation and sat next to each other by Sam. Everyone was quietly waiting as time passed slowly. After a while, Dean rested his head on Cas' shoulder and began to doze, the familiar scent of wind and soap wreathing around him from the blue-eyed boy.

It was nearly four hours later that a doctor came out to stand before them all, making everyone jump to their feet to hear the news.

"Well, we have her stabilized for now, but she took a lot of damage. The skull fracture caused internal bleeding that seems to have stopped, but she also broke her femur, a couple of ribs, and has a severe laceration on her side. But she'll live." There was a collective sigh of relief.

"Can I see her?" Ellen asked eagerly.

The doctor shook his head slightly. "You can, if you want, but she's unconscious and we're not sure when she'll wake up."

Ellen looked at her husband and then at everyone else. Finally she seemed to make up her mind. "I should stay here with her tonight just in case, but the rest of you all don't need to stay."

"You sure, Ellen?" Karen asked, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I'll be fine, and it's only right a mother be with her daughter." She turned back to Bill. "And you have work tonight, so you should get going." Bill gave her a look, but her expression was resolute and they all knew they couldn't change her mind.

Bill relented. "Alright, but you call if you need anything or if something changes."

"I will," Ellen replied. She moved towards Dean and gave him a quick hug before sending everyone on their way.

It was late evening when they returned to the Winchester house after saying farewells to Bill. Without a word, Dean retired to shower off the remnants of his friend's blood and head to bed. Once again, he couldn't fall asleep, but instead of tossing and turning, Dean was curled into a ball. After a while the sound of his door opening and closing roused him from his half-sleep. Dean hadn't realized he was shaking until Cas got into bed beside him and put his arms around him. Dean hid his face into Cas' chest.

"I just got you out of the hospital and now she's in there," Dean whispered a while later.

"Don't blame yourself, Dean," Cas replied quietly, clutching him close. "If anything, it's my fault." He paused, one hand stroking Dean's hair. "He was coming to see me. I talked to him yesterday and he said he would stop by soon, but I didn't know when…"

Dean lifted his head from under Castiel's chin and looked him in the eyes. "It's not your fault either, Cas. It was just an accident." He relaxed slightly and put his head down again. "As much as I want to be mad at Michael, I know it was just a freak thing and no one's to blame."

Cas didn't answer, but Dean knew he was right. They spent the rest of the night in silence, Dean eventually drifting off to the steady beating of Cas' heart.

* * *

A/N: I don't really know much about hospitals or injuries except what I've researched or found out from doing mock-disaster-drills for medical science students when I was in Drama (Don't ask... it's weird to explain). But I tried! I also think it's become a regular thing to have fluff at the endings of nearly every chapter.. I never really meant for that, but that's how it's turned out! Regardless, fluff is always nice to write.

P.S. I'm so sorry, I just love giving everyone pain. I know it's horrible.


	13. Breaking

The next morning Dean woke with his arms around Cas, his heart thumping next to the other boy's spine.

"Boys! Breakfast!" He heard Karen's call from the kitchen.

"Dean, we should get up," Cas said tiredly. Dean just groaned in reply and nuzzled his face into Cas' hair.

"Five more minutes," he whispered into the dark locks. He felt rather than heard the quiet laugh in Castiel's chest.

Cas let Dean hold him for a few more minutes before gently slipping away and out the door. Dean slowly got up, his head aching, and stumbled to the kitchen where everyone was already at the table. He greeted Karen with a peck on the cheek and sat beside Cas to eat quickly.

"I'm going to see Jo after school if anyone wants to come with," he said around a mouthful.

"I'll come for a while," Sam replied, leaving his dishes on the counter. "But, we should go soon or we'll be late for school."

"Yeah, yeah, we'll go in a couple of minutes," Dean said, finishing his breakfast. He stood and his fingers lingered on Cas' shoulder for a moment before he left to grab his shoes and keys. A few minutes later, all three boys were heading out the door, each receiving a quick hug goodbye from Karen.

"Call when you get to the hospital, Dean," she said as he shut the door behind him. He managed to give her a nod before it closed.

At lunch that day, Ash and Adam were unusually subdued. After calling Ellen the day before, he'd called the others and filled them in. Both Sam and Cas were also sitting with them, but the whole table was quiet. After a while Luc wandered over and, for once, he didn't have a nasty sneer on his face.

"What do you want?" Adam asked harshly as he neared.

"I heard about Jo. I just wanted to say I hope she gets better soon," Luc replied with sincerity. It was completely different than what Dean and the others were used to, and Dean didn't trust it.

"Thanks," Dean said icily, not looking at him.

Luc gave him a look that was edged with contempt. "Dude you don't have to be such an ass. I'm trying to be nice here."

"When have you ever cared enough to be remotely nice?" Everyone else at the table was looking warily between Dean, sitting on the table, and Luc, standing nearby with closed fists.

"Just 'cause you're a thick-headed idiot—"

He was cut off as Dean launched himself from his perch on the table and socked Luc in the mouth. It sent him back a few steps, holding his face.

"Dean!" Adam shouted, coming around the table and putting a firm hand on Dean's shoulder. "Calm down," he said more quietly.

Dean shook him off as Luc straightened and glanced at him murderously. Dean was just thinking about tossing another punch when the vice principal came over from where she'd been patrolling the grounds.

"Winchester. My office, now," she said, giving him stern eyes.

Stalking away towards the office building, Dean heard someone say his name but he didn't turn around. He'd been to the principal's office enough times over the years that when he sauntered to the deception desk, the woman behind the counter just sighed and waved him through to wait in the hard chair that sat beside the VP's desk in the office next to the principal's. After a few minutes, she walked in.

"Dean Winchester. It's been a while since you've sat in that chair."

Shrugging, Dean just said, "Been busy lately, sorry Mrs. Gamble."

"Actually, I'd say it's been nice not having you around. At least not here." She paused, perching on the end of her desk, clasping her hands. "Dean," she began again, voice soft, "I know it's been hard since your mom died. She was a good friend." Dean nodded, looking at the wall behind her. "With your Dad gone, and now Jo…"

"Sera, you don't have to spell out my life for me," Dean said with a half-smile.

"And you don't have to be such a brat all the time!" She grinned at him and tapped his knee with hers. Sera and Mary had been close friends since his parents moved into the house they lived in. Sera's house was just down the street and she'd spent quite a lot of time around the boys as they grew up.

"Yeah, well…" Dean was smiling, but his face grew serious again.

Sera sighed. "You know I usually don't go easy on you, and I'm not supposed to, but I know things are rough right now. Just don't get into another fight or I _will_ have to suspend you. Again." She stood and patted his shoulder. "I saw someone come over Friday night…?"

"Yeah. Bobby and Karen are staying with us while Dad's gone."

Nodding, Sera mused, "Maybe I'll stop in one evening and say hi."

Smiling, Dean said, "Karen would probably like that."

"Alright, it's settled then. Come on, kid." She opened the door and gave him a quick hug before sending him on his way. "You better get to class now, Dean. I'm keeping my eyes on the roof." She smirked at him and waved as he headed to class.

And even though it was a Monday, Dean went to history class. All it served to do, though, was remind him that Jo wasn't there and he spent the rest of the hour staring at the empty seat in front of him.

* * *

A/N: I don't really know why I added Sera Gamble... I just couldn't think of a character and I thought of her name and went with it. Anyway, more on Jo next chapter. We're nearing the end everyone!


	14. Lost

The days passed slowly. Dean actually went to all of his classes and took his mid-terms in each of his classes. Each evening, though, he would visit Jo and sit with her for a couple of hours. Eventually Friday came—the last day of school—and as Dean drove to the hospital, a light snow began to fall from the gray sky. But, when Dean found his way to Jo's room on the third floor, wind began to pick up outside and through the windows Dean could see a blizzard forming.

A nurse was just leaving Jo's room when Dean went in. The steady beeping of the heart monitor was strangely comforting to Dean. He took the chair from under the window and set it beside her bed, sitting and glancing at her face.

She was pallid, her face gaunt and her bones sticking out. She'd always had a healthy, almost glowing look about her and Dean found it unnerving to see her looking so different. There was still a bandage wrapped around her head and he knew there would be more around her torso and that her leg would be covered in its cast for a long while more.

"Hey, Jo," he whispered, resting his hand on her forearm. "It's snowing right now. Well, you can probably hear the wind." He laughed quietly listening to the shriek outside. "Things are harder without you, Jo." Dean's voice grew low and serious.

"I mean, I love having Bobby and Karen around, don't get me wrong. And I know it's good for Sammy; God knows I'm shit when it comes to trying to be a parent. But I feel like I don't have time for myself with you here. I feel like I haven't seen Cas in days and I hate it." Dean took a deep breath and rested his head on the side of her bed.

"You always told me not to keep my feelings inside. And I've been trying, really. I told Cas I love him, and I know he loves me. But with everything happening, I'm afraid he thinks I'm avoiding him now…" Dean fell to silence, the only noises in the still room were the bleeping of the machines and the howl of the storm.

"Dean…?" He looked up as he heard the croak of his name. Jo's eyes were fluttering and her head rocking back and forth slightly.

Dean stood and brought his head near hers. "Jo, I'm here." Her eyes opened all the way at the sound of his voice and found his face. They were dull and confused, but Dean breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of them. He closed his eyes and kissed her forehead, everything else fading from his mind for the moment.

"What… happened?" Jo asked slowly, trying to sit up.

Dean put a hand on her shoulder and held her down lightly. "Whoa there, don't move. You were hit by a car. You've been out for almost six days."

Jo's eyes grew wide. "I remember, I was going to your house, and I saw you, and then…" she trailed off as Dean grimaced. "You were there… you saw… I'm sorry, Dean."

"Don't be, Jo, it's not your fault. It was an accident. It's a good thing I was there, though; you probably would have died otherwise…" Dean stopped, his fingers brushing her hair behind her ear. "I should go get someone." He left the room and nearly ran straight into a doctor when he rounded the corner.

"Dean, right?" the doctor said, stepping back. "Jo's friend?"

"Yeah! Just the man I was looking for, actually. She just woke up." Dean led him back to the room where Jo was looking around the room.

"How are you feeling, Jo?" the doctor asked, checking her machines before standing beside her.

"My head is killing me, but I feel fine. Except I'm tired," she replied hesitantly.

The doctor nodded. "Good, that's a good thing. I just need you to do a couple of things for me real quickly and then I'll let you be."

"What about my mom?"

"We'll give her a call in a few minutes, don't worry. Now, could you move your fingers for me?" Jo lifted her hands slightly and waggled her fingers. "Good, now your toes?" He pulled the blanket covering her away from her feet, revealing her wiggling toes. "Great!" The doctor smiled down at her kindly. "Well, I'll leave you to rest and give your mom a call. If you need anything just push this button." He pointed to a red button at the end of a cord that hung by her head.

He left the room with a swish of his white coat and Dean took his place beside Jo. "I should go, too, I told Karen I'd be there for dinner. But I'll be back in the morning!" His hand rested on her shoulder for a moment as she nodded.

"Okay. I'll see you then," she told him with a faint smile.

Dean was glad when he made it home safely even though it was a short drive. The wind was still bitter and loud though the snow had lessened slightly. When he walked into the main room, everyone was already at the dinner table.

"You're late, boy," Bobby told him in a deflated tone.

"Jo woke up," Dean replied simply. They all looked at him in surprise. "She'll be fine; she didn't take major damage or anything. But she'll probably be there for a while still." There was a collective sigh of relief and Dean took his seat at the table, next to Cas like always. His blue eyes looked at Dean with an unidentified question. Dean just brought his own eyes to his plate and tried to calm his racing mind.

That night, after everyone was asleep, Dean snuck out of his room and down the hallway to Cas. He found the boy lying still in bed and staring at the ceiling.

"Cas?" he called, sitting on the bed beside him. Cas didn't say anything or look at him so Dean gave up searching his face after a few minutes and instead hung his head in his hands. "Cas, I'm sorry. I know I haven't been around much lately, I've just been worrying my ass off over Jo even though I know I need to be here instead."

After a moment, Cas spoke. "You love her, she's your best friend, and you saved her. But you're right. You need to be here, too. Sam needs you and I… I need you, Dean. More than words can convey, I need you with me." He was sitting up when he finished and Dean's wide green eyes were watery as they met Cas' blue ones.

"I want to be with you…" Dean's voice was a whisper, so low that Cas could barely hear him. "I'm trying, Cas, believe me."

Cas sat on his legs behind Dean, his arms winding around Dean. He rested his cheek on Dean's back. "I know," he said quietly. "I know."

After a while of sitting like that, Castiel's lips kissed Dean's shoulder, and then his neck, hands moving under his shirt and tugging it off to touch his bare chest.

He pulled Dean onto the bed beside him and crawled on top, wanting comfort, for himself and for Dean. Cas kissed his forehead, his closed eyes, and finally his mouth. Dean's hands found his hips as he pulled away and sat back, knees on either side of Dean's body. Dean sat up with him, eyes full of apology while Castiel's showed forgiveness.

"Cas…" Dean began, but Cas cut him off with another kiss.

"Don't say anything," he whispered, pushing Dean back down and making it impossible for Dean to talk anyway. Slowly the kiss grew deeper as their mouths moved together in a passionate heat. Cas became almost aggressive in his movements; hands wildly touching all of Dean, mouth and tongue exploring his familiar contours

Eventually Cas pulled his tantalizing lips from Dean's body. His fingers slipped under the elastic of Dean's boxers and there was a shameless smirk on his lips as he met Dean's wide eyes. One of his hands felt the hardness under the fabric before he pulled the boxers away to reveal it. Dean made a noise like a whimper as he touched the tip of it.

Cas leaned in to his ear. "Shhh. Someone might hear if you get too loud…" he whispered, voice rough. His mouth covered Dean's to keep him quiet while his hand wrapped around him. Dean's groan was muffled and his hands gripped Castiel's hips tightly. There was a hot daze filling Dean as Cas stroked him and slid his tongue into Dean's mouth, both to enjoy the taste of him and to stifle the sounds he was making. But Cas didn't stop. It felt too good to stop.

It wasn't long before Dean came, and the sheer feeling of the warm liquid on his hand made Cas come inside of his boxers. Both were breathing hard, hearts racing as Cas pulled away and looked down into Dean's eyes. There was a smile on Castiel's lips and Dean replicated it, loosening his grip on Cas and wrapping his arms around him to pull Cas to the bed next to him.

They didn't say a word, eyes conveying every emotion perfectly. After a while they calmed, and Cas rested his head to Dean's chest, comfortably warm and happy.

* * *

A/N: They weren't supposed to do all that... But I got a little carried away...


	15. Knowing

A/N: So, I realized while writing the chapter after this one that my timeline was off. So, to fix this, I went back to chapter 6 and made Cas' release date from the hospital in early December. Now, you really don't have to go back and read it, I literally changed one word, but it makes the timeline smoother. Don't know if any of you read into this far enough to notice time... But I plan every little detail in my stories and I felt the necessity to point this out in case any of you are the same way or cared to know or whatever... But yeah, that's a thing, and here's the new chapter!

* * *

The next morning Dean was sitting in his own room, listening as the shower started in the bathroom down the hall where he knew Cas was. There was a knock on his door and Karen entered.

"We're taking Sam out to go shopping for a few hours. You and Cas will be okay here, right?" she asked from the doorway, eyes faintly concerned.

"Yeah," Dean replied, eying Sam who was hovering behind her. "We're gonna go see Jo in a while."

"Alright, well, be careful." Karen smiled at him and Dean said his goodbye as they left.

Once he heard the garage door close, Dean stood and made his way slowly towards the bathroom. He slipped in and Cas poked his head around the curtain, hearing the door close.

"You mind?" Dean asked with a half-smile, indicating the shower with his head. Cas gave him an amused look and shook his head, droplets of water falling to the floor. Dean rid himself of his clothes and stepped in behind Cas, putting his arms around the blue-eyed boy's waist as the hot water ran over them both.

They stood like that for a minute or two before Dean rested his chin on Cas' shoulder and said quietly, "Last night…"

Cas turned in his arms and put his own around Dean's neck. "I liked it," he said with a smile and bit his lip.

"I loved it," Dean returned, kissing him once. They both were smiling like idiots at each other, but neither cared. "Hey, Cas," Dean said after a moment, "you know you're getting kind of…" He trailed off, eyes pointing downward. Cas blushed and made to move away but Dean just laughed and held him tighter, bringing their mouths together and pushing Castiel's back against the wall of the shower.

Together they took up the small space, but Dean didn't mind because he just pushed his body against Cas and kissed him deeply. Cas tightened his arms around Dean's neck but broke the kiss in a grimace as Dean's hands moved to his hips. Dean pulled away and glanced into his face and then down to where his hands were. There were purple-ish bruises on Cas where Dean's fingers had dug into him the night before.

"Cas, I—I'm sorry, I didn't realize that…" Dean broke off, remorse in his expression as he took his hands from Cas.

"It's okay," Cas said, "Dean, I'm fine."

"But… I hurt you," Dean's voice was breaking and Cas realized that he was thinking of his father and the bruises he'd inflicted on his children.

Cas blinked slowly and put his hands on either side of Dean's face. "I'm fine," he repeated softly. "It was the first time." He hoped that the insistence in his voice would get through to Dean.

It seemed a moment later that it had because Dean sighed out a breath and said, "Okay." Kissing him softly, Cas brought his arms up around Dean and tried to show him that it really was alright.

Later on, the two made their way to the hospital and up to Jo's room. As they neared, they heard muffled voices and stealthily peeked through the window, seeing Michael standing awkwardly by Jo's bed where she was sitting up.

"I just wanted to apologize to you personally for what happened," he was saying.

"It's okay, I don't blame you. We both should have been paying more attention but I'll be fine." Dean thought that Jo's voice sounded a little strained, and after a quiet moment, he straightened, tapping Cas' arm and walking into the room.

"Hey Jo," Dean greeted her. Cas entered behind him and waved at her shyly. "Michael," he acknowledged the man with barely a glance.

"I'll just head out then. I hope you feel better soon," Michael said to Jo, taking his leave, eyes lingering on Cas before walking out the door.

"You okay?" Dean asked, standing beside her. Castiel's shoulder brushed him and his hand slid into Dean's.

Jo nodded. Her face looked a little less pale than it had the day before and her eyes held more light in them. "Yeah. The doctors here are keeping me pretty drugged up actually so I feel great," she told them laughing softly. "It's really weird thinking that almost a week has passed… Oh!" she said suddenly, "Look what Ash and Adam brought me!" She pointed across the room to a huge brown teddy bear that was holding a sign with "GET BETTER SOON!" written across it.

Dean spluttered with laughter. "You're kidding me. The guys brought that?"

Jo grinned at him. "Apparently it's from their families, too, but man you should have seen the look Ash gave the thing when they came by earlier. Winner death-stare if there ever was a contest." They both laughed and even Cas cracked an amused smile at the thought.

After a couple of minutes though, when they'd all calmed, Jo eyed Dean before bringing her eyes to Cas and saying, "If you don't mind, I'd like to talk to Dean alone for a minute."

Dean gave her a strange look, but Cas just nodded his assent and left the room to wander the hall. "What's up, Jo?" Dean asked, pulling up the chair.

She pursed her lips and clasped her hands over her stomach. "Dean, I want to say thanks, for making sure I was okay when I was hit and for staying with me this week—"

"Wait, could you hear me when you were out?" Dean interrupted.

Jo looked at him. "Bits and pieces I remember. Some of my mom, but mostly you." She took a breath. "Anyway, you've been my friend for such a long time and—"

"Stop," Dean said, cutting in again. "Jo, you don't have to say all this. I know. And if it was me in that bed I know you'd do the same thing."

With a half-smile, Jo replied, "Yeah, I would. Not that you deserve it." She laughed and it was Dean's turn to give her a look.

"So is that it then?" Dean asked after a moment.

"Well, one more thing. You and Cas…?"

Dean laughed and shook his head, looking down. "Well, uh, about that…"

"No, I don't want all the gory details," Jo said, holding up her hand as he raised his head. "I think you two are good for each other, though."

"Jo, we really don't have to talk about this right now," Dean said quickly, embarrassment new and hot on his cheeks.

"Yeah, I know, I just figured I ought to say something so you know you don't have to keep it a secret and say weird things to me while I'm unconscious." Jo was laughing still but Dean just looked embarrassed though he was smiling, too. "So you better bring your boyfriend in for a goodbye real quick because all this talking is making me tired."

"Even in the hospital you need you girls need your beauty rest!" Dean said, standing. Jo playfully hit his arm before he moved to the door and poked his head out. "Hey, Cas!" he called out, seeing the blue-eyed boy as he seemed to be reading something on a wall. Dean waved him over when those blue eyes turned towards him.

"Thanks for stopping by, guys," Jo told them when they were both back at her side.

"We just wanted to make sure you're alright. And I hope you get better soon, Jo," Cas said, returning the smile she gave him.

"I'll be back before you know it," Dean promised.

Jo just groaned. "Damn, I was hoping you'd stay away for a while." Dean mocked offense and turned on his heel.

He took Cas' hand and pulled him out. "Fine, we're just going to leave you alone then," he said. But once they were in the hallway he turned back and sent Jo a smile. "Get better soon. I'm sure you'll be sick of this place by tomorrow." Jo made a shooing motion with her hands and Dean winked at her before heading out.

* * *

A/N: Did that feel awkward to any of you? 'Cause that felt a little awkward to me... I dunno... And I figured it was time to put something in about Dean's issues, he doesn't get enough attention anymore.. Getting closer to the end, but I think there's going to be quite a bit more than I expected originally! Thanks everyone so so much for your support this whole way!


	16. Trapped

It was a few days later that, while everyone was lounging around the house, Dean announced he was going out. He didn't say why or when he'd be back, and it seemed that everyone assumed he was going to see Jo and didn't ask. But, Dean wasn't going to see Jo, and as he made his way to the local cemetery, the thought of her didn't even cross his mind.

Dean parked the Impala on one of the more empty paved roads that crisscrossed the graveyard. Cold winter air greeted him as he stepped from the car and into the dirty slush that covered most of the ground. The snow had eased over the previous couple of days, but it was still too cold for it to melt.

Stepping carefully between the headstones, Dean moved languidly towards the white marble one that read "Mary Winchester". He stopped before it, hands balled into fists inside of his jacket pockets. His breath clouded the air as he stared down at the words scrawled beneath her name: "Beloved wife and mother". It'd always seemed unfitting to Dean that those were the only words chosen to convey her life and her heart, so full of optimism and light.

Dean remembered when he was a young child and Mary used to stroke his hair and sing to him and Sam late at night when one or both couldn't sleep. He had this image of her, blonde hair like a golden halo around her head and a smile on her lips while her eyes looked at him with love and compassion. He would, of course, never share that image for fear of it making him look less manly, but staring down at where they'd buried her ashes he let that memory fill him.

He glanced around until he was satisfied that the area was deserted before he began to speak, slowly and quietly. "I didn't bring you flowers today. I figured it was too cold and they'd just freeze anyway." He shrugged an apology at the headstone. "I haven't talked to you in a while, and I don't know if you're watching over us and I don't need to tell you what's going on, but I guess I might as well since I'm here."

Dean shifted on his feet a little, the cold seeping into his thick boots. "Dad's been gone over a month now, rehab in the City. I haven't talked to him either since he left. Things seem better now though, with Bobby and Karen around to look out for Sammy. I know I need to be keeping my eyes on him, too, but at least he's not a little demon like I was at that age.

"There's this guy, though, and he seems to be taking up my entire life now for the past month. Castiel Novak." Dean smiled a little. "I don't know if you ever knew him or his parents, but, man is this kid… something." The smile faded. "I'm in love with him, Mom, but I don't know how to be in love with someone. You know me; I'm more the 'love 'em and leave 'em' type. And now more than ever I just feel so… lost. And Cas, Cas is really messed up. Half the time I don't want to believe it, but I know it's true, and I want to make him better but I don't know what else to do…

"I don't even know how Sam is these days. Jo was hit by a car a week ago and I've spent a lot of time now with her and away from Cas and Sam. I don't want him to feel like I'm ignoring him, or that I don't care, but I just feel bad every time I look at the kid because I haven't been around much. I guess, in a way," Dean hesitated, "I'm scared of becoming like Dad. I don't wanna hurt the people I love or push them away, but I think that's what I'm doing."

Dean took a hand out of his pocket and brushed the top of the marble with his fingertips. "I wish you were here, Mom. Everyone says it takes time to get over stuff, but it's been a year and four months and I still miss you."

All was quiet for a minute before a familiar voice spoke behind Dean. "No matter how much time passes, you're still gonna miss her, Dean." He spun around, surprised to see Sam standing a ways off, a sad expression on his face. Sam stepped over beside his brother and looked at their mother's name. "I thought I'd find you here," he said after a moment. "You've been really distant the last few days. Well, more so than in the last couple of weeks."

"Did you walk here?" Dean asked, his eyes following Sam's gaze. The younger brother nodded.

"I figured you were coming here so I followed you. I don't really know why. Maybe because I just wanted to talk?"

"To me? Or to Mom?"

Sam shrugged and glanced at Dean. "Both." They stood in silence for a short time. "I miss her too, still, you know. I don't think that's ever going to go away for either of us. I expect it's something that everyone deals with when someone they really love dies."

Dean raised his brows at his brother. "You know, you're a pretty philosophical guy for being so puny."

Sam laughed quietly. "Just you wait. In a year I bet I'll tower over you."

"Gigantor," Dean said playfully. They laughed, but both grew serious quickly. "Sam, I'm sorry for not being around much lately," Dean finally said. "With Dad gone and everything happening now…"

"It's okay, Dean. I know you have good intentions." Sam half-smiled at him. "And I kind of overheard pretty much everything you were saying to Mom so you really don't have to explain yourself to me."

"Damn it! That was said in confidence." Dean gave his brother a mock angry look but inside, he felt almost glad that he wouldn't have to say anything twice.

"I'm alright, by the way. I'm not great, I'm not even good, but I can at least say that I'm better than you seem to be." Sam's voice held traces of sadness, but there was a strong set to his shoulders that Dean saw as he looked him over.

He laughed mirthlessly. "That's good, Sammy. But I guess that's not saying much considering how shit I am right now."

Sam's hazel eyes met his as he asked quietly, "What are you going to do, then?"

"I don't know," Dean replied honestly. "I just feel so sad and angry a lot of the time and then I end up taking that out on people around me. It's so stupid. I just wish everything could be… fixed."

"You have to fix it yourself," Sam told him.

"I know that. But I don't know how. How in Hell can I put everything back together?" Dean was looking up at the gray clouds that filled the sky, praying that maybe they could give him the answer.

Sam didn't say anything for a long time. Finally he asked, "What about Cas? You said yourself that you love him and I know you two are good for each other. Maybe he can help?"

"He does help. He helps a lot. More than I think he actually realizes. I just wanna help him, too."

"Start there, then. Start with Cas, figure things out, and then move on to other things. And piece by piece you'll eventually put everything back together like you want." Sam smiled faintly at him. Dean thought for a moment, pursing his lips.

"Yeah. I guess so."

"You don't always have to put everything on yourself, Dean," Sam said after another pause.

Dean just made a noise like a laugh. "I wish it was that simple." Suddenly Sam turned and put his arms around his brother, burying his face in Dean's leather jacket. Dean took his hands from his pockets and hugged Sam, resting his cheek on the boy's head. "Thanks, Sammy," he said quietly.

"Things will be better soon," Sam promised, pulling away a moment later. The corner of Dean' mouth quirked up at his optimism, so much like their mother's. Sam moved away towards the Impala and once he was out of earshot, Dean turned back to the headstone.

"I hope he's right, Mom. I really do. I'll be back soon, promise," he whispered, touching the cold marble once more before following after his brother.

* * *

A/N: It feels kind of weird having Dean talk about his feelings so freely... but eh, I figured he needed it after so long. Anyway, I think I've figured out that there's probably another 7 or 8 chapters left at least... This is really becoming a lot longer than I thought, but I love it and I hope you all do too! Huge shoutout to my big supporters and those who review nearly every chapter. You know who you are and I just want to thank all of you :)


	17. Change

The next day was Christmas Eve and Dean couldn't believe how fast time seemed to be moving. It was mid-morning and Bobby and Sam had just returned from some last minute Christmas shopping. Dean wandered through the house and found Cas sitting in the front room, reading.

"Can I talk to you?" he asked, nearing Cas and jerking his head towards the hallway. Cas nodded and set down his book, following Dean back through the house. They arrived at Dean's room where he moved towards the desk in the corner that was rarely used and sat in the chair, motioning for Cas to sit on the corner of the bed.

"What is it, Dean?" Cas' blue eyes were looking at him expectantly and Dean took a breath.

"There's something I need to say," he began, hesitant. "Lately everything has been kind of… confusing. And I had a long talk with Sam yesterday and I've been thinking about it a lot. I feel like everything has been falling to pieces and I need to put it back together. And that means starting with you.

"When I'm with you… I feel found. Like my place is beside you and no one else. But I know that with you comes your problems and I want to do everything I can to help you get better and to help myself." Throughout his speech Dean had been looking anywhere but Cas, but as he finished he brought his eyes to the other boy and found him smiling lightly. "What?" he asked, confused.

Cas stood and stepped over to Dean, just watching him for a moment before sitting in his lap, legs straddling his hips. "Dean," he said gently, touching Dean's chest, "I love you."

The side of Dean's mouth quirked up and his hands slid down Cas' legs and hooked on the backs of his knees, pulling him closer. "I love you, too, Cas," he whispered just before Cas softly kissed him. It was a slow, sweet kiss, one that showed just how much they did love each other.

They suddenly broke apart though as someone rapped on the door twice and it swung open. "Dean, could you—" Karen suddenly broke off as she took in the two of them together. Dean's hands were holding Castiel's ass while Cas had one hand inside Dean's shirt and the other dropped from where it'd been on Dean's face. "—take out the garbage…Um…" Karen blinked. "I'll just—" She turned on her heel and went out the door, shutting it behind her.

Dean and Cas both looked at each other at the same time. "I suppose we ought to tell them now," Cas said quietly after a moment.

"Yeah," Dean whispered, turning his head away. Cas grasped his chin lightly and forced their eyes to meet.

"Whatever they say, we're still going to be together," Cas told him with conviction. Cas extricated himself from Dean and they both stood to slowly make their way through the house.

Dean found Karen in the kitchen, chopping vegetables with a dazed expression in her eyes. "Karen?" he called her name quietly. She looked up sharply, the daze momentarily lifting. "Can I, uh, talk to you and Bobby?"

She took a few seconds to soak in what he'd said but she eventually nodded. "Yes, of course." Karen set down the knife she was holding and wiped her hands on a towel, all her movements meticulous, before walking towards the table where Sam and Bobby were playing blackjack.

"Sam, would you mind giving us a second, sweetie?" Karen said to Sam who looked up in surprise. His hazel eyes found Dean's expression and he nodded, standing.

"Yeah, sure," he mumbled, leaving the room. He caught Dean's eye though and gave him an encouraging thumbs up before disappearing down the hall.

"What's going on, boys?" Bobby asked, turning to face them while Karen stood at his side.

Dean hesitated, unsure what to say. He glanced at Cas who flashed him a tiny smile and sighed out a breath. "There's something we need to tell you guys," Dean started slowly.

"Well, spit it out." Bobby looked at Karen and the blank expression on her face and then turned his gaze back to Dean.

Dean sucked in a breath before all his words came tumbling out of his mouth. "Cas and I have been… dating for some time now. And we kept it from you because I was afraid that you would hate him because you didn't know him and this whole situation is really weird and I didn't want you guys to kick him out because he has nowhere else to go."

There was a silence as both the Singer's looked back and forth between the two. Suddenly, Bobby laughed. "Dean," he said after a moment, "you know we'd never deny a poor soul our help if he needed it. Don't matter if you two are together, we wanna help the kid as much as we can. Sure it's a little… shocking to hear that, but we ain't gonna kick him out for it."

"Really?" Dean stuttered out, a little numbed by his reaction.

"Of course not, honey," Karen said sincerely, putting a hand on his shoulder. "We know things are hard and different right now with your daddy gone and everything happenin', but we couldn't hate either of you, not for something like this. You and your brother are like sons to us, and we know Cas needs family to be with and that's what we've been trying to do. This doesn't change that, not one bit."

Dean met Cas' eyes and their hands found each other. "Thank you," Cas said, "that really means a lot." Karen smiled kindly at him and Bobby reached over to clap him on the shoulder.

"Now, you two go get Sam and get washed up for lunch. It'll be ready in five minutes," Karen told them, her motherly nature taking over like usual. Dean nodded and they headed towards the hall. But just when he was out of sight, Dean stopped around the corner to listen for a moment.

"I guess we should have expected something like this, considering the way they are around each other," Karen was saying quietly.

Bobby grunted in reply. "Damn idjit shoulda told us sooner. If I'd've known he thought that…"

"Yes, well, everybody has their secrets," Karen vaguely replied.

Dean sighed out a breath of relief and headed towards Sam's room to gather him for lunch. "I told you so!" Sam said to him triumphantly as soon as he walked through the open door.

Dean grinned at him. "Yeah, I guess you did, Sammy."

That night, Bobby set up the two foot tall, faux Christmas tree out in the main room where everybody gathered around to watch "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" on TV. It'd always been Sam's favorite Christmas movie and every year some channel or another would play it Christmas eve. The previous Christmas the boys really hadn't done much since they're father had been spending every night in a bar and every day sleeping off another hangover on the couch. But even so, they'd managed to still watch that movie.

This Christmas, though, with Bobby and Karen and Cas all with them, it still felt like the same tradition, but with a new family. Dean, who had his little brother curled up on one side of him, and Cas leaning on his other shoulder, felt for the first time in a long time that maybe things were going to get better. After all, Christmas was the next day, and then it would a brand new year, and he'd be eighteen soon and get his own apartment. He thought about that, even after the movie was over and everyone went to bed. And as he held Cas in his arms while the boy slept peacefully, he made his first New Year's resolution.

"I'll make life better, for you and for me. I promise," he whispered into the sleeping Cas' hair.

* * *

A/N: So much fluff I've been writing lately... It's ridiculous, but hey, fluff is great. I just had to get all the feels out these last couple chapters... but expect lots more to come! Also, we passed the 50 review mark on this story! Thank you all so much for being so awesome. Reviews really brighten my day and it makes me happy to know there are those still with this story.


	18. Different

"Dean! Cas! Wake up! It's Christmas!" Dean groaned and rolled over as Sam's voice roused him. The younger brother jumped onto the bed between the two other boys with a grin plastered on his face.

Dean glanced over at his alarm clock which read eight a.m. He groaned again and fell back against his pillow. "Sammy it's way too early for Christmas. Karen and Bobby probably aren't even up yet," he said groggily, rubbing his eyes. His eyes glanced over to Cas who was yawning widely.

"Karen is making breakfast right now, so you better get up soon!" Sam crawled off the bed and skipped out the door, no doubt to see how many presents he had under the tiny tree.

Turning to Cas, Dean laughed quietly at how excited his little brother could still be at Christmas. "Man that kid has got some spunk." Cas smiled at him and hung an arm around Dean's waist.

"Merry Christmas, Dean," he said quietly.

Dean hummed. "Merry Christmas to you, too," he replied, giving Cas a quick kiss before heaving himself out of bed to get dressed. Cas propped himself on his elbow to watch as Dean pulled on jeans and a clean t-shirt. There was a faint smile on his lips that Dean found endearing and leaned over to plant another kiss on that smile.

Cas reached over and hooked his fingers in Dean's belt loops to pull him back to the bed. "Someone's feisty this morning," Dean said against his lips as Cas kissed him and resisted the urge to tear those jeans back off. "Come on." Dean managed to pull away a moment later. "Meet you in the kitchen." He flashed a smile before exiting the room.

Dean could smell the rich scent of bacon and cinnamon rolls as soon as he left his room and made his way to the kitchen. "Morning everybody," he said. Bobby was sitting at the table, newspaper in hand and grunted in response.

Karen, on the other hand, threw him a smile and said enthusiastically, "Good morning! Merry Christmas!" Dean gave her a kiss on the cheek and snuck a piece of bacon from the plate beside the stove, taking a bite of it and spinning away. "Where's Cas?" she asked as he moved away.

"He'll be out soon. Probably," Dean replied distractedly, heading over to where Sam was digging through the few presents under the tiny tree. "You know, Sammy, it's customary for everyone to open presents together after breakfast," Dean told him, chewing up the last of his bacon.

Sam looked over his shoulder at his brother and stuck out his tongue. "It's no crime to see how many there are first!" Dean laughed at that and shook his head, walking back towards the table.

He plopped into a chair and nabbed the comic section of the newspaper, flipping it open and smirking at the funny ones. Cas soon joined the rest and sat himself next to Dean, looking over his shoulder at the paper.

"I don't get that one…" he whispered to Dean, pointing to one of the panels. Dean glanced between the paper and Cas' confused face for a moment before bursting out laughing.

"I don't think I could explain it to you," he replied, a smile plastered on his face. Cas gave him a look but pursed his lips and gave up.

Just then, though, Karen announced, "Alright boys! Everything's ready!" She brought over plates and set one in front of everybody between where their silverware was already set up. She then placed platters in the middle of the table, one covered with bacon, the other scrambled eggs, and the last with huge cinnamon rolls. Dean's mouth was already watering.

Bobby looked at him and laughed at the expression the oldest Winchester was giving to the rolls. They all dug in at once and Dean and his brother together devoured more than enough for them all, but there was plenty to go around.

Later on, after everyone was sufficiently stuffed, they all gathered to open the few presents that were under the tree. Karen and Bobby both sat on the couch while the boys took the floor. There was at least one present for everyone and Sam handed them out like a little elf. When Dean called him out on it, Sam's ears reddened and he glared at his brother.

Bobby got the honor of opening his single large present first, addressed to him from "everyone". He tore off the decorative paper and revealed a six pack of "Beers Around the World", each bottle a different kind of beer from a different country. It was what he'd expected; Karen had gotten it for him for nearly every holiday for the past twelve years since it was discovered. Even so, he smiled widely at it and thanked everyone.

Karen opened her first present, a small box from Dean and Sam, and from it she pulled a silver necklace with a sun-shaped pendant. She kissed both boys on their cheeks and had Bobby put it on for her, the pendant falling at the base of her throat.

Cas took his turn and was pleasantly surprised to open a card from everybody that held a gift card to his favorite book store inside. Then Sam opened one of his, from Karen and Bobby, and found a few new pairs of socks inside the box. He had a dissatisfied look on his face that Dean laughed at, but eventually patted him on the back, muttering something about how everyone always needs new socks.

Finally, it was Dean's turn. He chose the small box that was from Sam and Cas and ripped off the paper. He was slightly confused on what it could be until he opened it and pulled out a leather string with a gold-tone pendant on it. He didn't know what it was of, but it looked faintly Egyptian.

"It supposedly will 'burn hot in God's presence'", Cas told him quietly with a smile.

"And keep demons away!" Sam piped up.

Dean gave him a skeptical look but slid the string over his head, feeling the pendant bounce slightly on his chest. "I love it, thanks guys," he said, curling his hand around it for a moment.

They finished unwrapping their presents: Karen receiving a certificate to a certain fancy steak joint; Sam getting quite a bundle of cash and a Spanish dictionary, the language with which he had a growing fascination with, not to mention he was taking the class at school.

Cas opened his only other gift, a card from Dean which held a surprisingly professional looking ticket in it that said "Good for one free anything you like" and a message scrawled inside the card reading, "You'll get your real present soon…" He had to fight to keep the blush from his face as Dean grinned at him. Dean was last and just got a card similar to Sam's with a load of cash in it.

It was only mid-morning by the time they'd finished and the kitchen was all clean again. Dean decided it was high time for him to go see Jo and left for the hospital. He arrived and found Ellen and Bill already with Jo and having what seemed to be "family talk". Dean rapped on the door and they all turned to look at him.

"Dean!" Jo exclaimed, happy to see him. Her parents also greeted him with smiles and he entered the room to give Jo a quick hug.

"So, how is everybody?" Dean asked, feeling somewhat under scrutiny by the adults in the room.

"We're good," Ellen replied pleasantly, "And Jo is getting better, too."

Dean nodded, "That's great, then!" He fidgeted on his feet slightly. "Well I just dropped by to wish you all Merry Christmas. I should go, though," he added reluctantly. "Places to go, people to see!" The others in the room all said goodbye, but as Dean made his way back to his car he couldn't shake the peculiar feeling he'd gotten from being around them.

* * *

A/N: Sorry if this chapter seems kind of rushed, I'm behind on my writing and I've been having some personal issues lately getting in the way of everything. Anyway, I also wanted to say that the next chapter is a special one, a treat if you will, for those of you still with this story. It wasn't planned but I had the idea and thought, "I'll give my readers something nice" and thus it was added in for your reading pleasure on the next update! Hope you enjoyed this strange Christmas


	19. Near

It had been two days since Christmas and Cas was still wondering what Dean could possibly have in mind for a present. But that morning, a cold stone dropped in his stomach in anticipation once he heard the news.

"An old friend called last night and apparently there's somethin' happening in town that I've got to be there for 'cause it involves the junkyard," Bobby said as they all were gathered for breakfast. "I already told these two last night," he gestured to his wife and Sam, "and they're dead set on coming with so it seems you two are gonna be here for at least two nights. You'll be fine here though, right?"

It was surprising news to both Dean and Cas, but when Dean's playful eyes slid to his, Cas felt the stone in his stomach flip, and again when Dean looked back at Bobby and said, "Don't worry, we'll be fine. Today we're going to Adam's anyway; he got some new games for Christmas."

Bobby nodded his assent. "Good. We're gonna be out of here in a couple of hours though so you might wanna stick around until then."

"Sure," Dean replied, taking a bite of toast.

It was almost three hours later that Bobby's truck was packed up with the trio's luggage; even though they'd only be gone three days it seemed like everyone had packed for a week.

"Be good, and don't do anything we wouldn't approve of," Karen said to Dean fondly, hugging him goodbye.

"Yeah, yeah, I won't," he replied lightheartedly. Sam jumped at him and caught him around his waist in a hug. "Don't be annoying," Dean said to his brother. When Sam pulled away he had something of a bitch look but didn't say anything. The younger Winchester also gave a quick hug to Cas and Karen kissed him on the cheek. Bobby just hopped in the truck, rearing to go and barely saying goodbye to either of the older boys.

Dean waited until they were out of sight down the road before turning back to Cas who was behind him on the driveway. "Ready to go?" he asked, pulling his keys out of his pocket. Cas nodded and they climbed into the Impala, heading to Adam's.

"Go for the Elven bow, it looks way more badass, and does more damage," Ash was saying to Adam as they sat in front of the flatscreen in Adam's room. Dean and Cas were lounging on the floor beside the couch where the other two boys were sitting.

"Nah, man, dual wielding is the way to go!" Dean argued, sitting up and glaring at Ash.

"Personally, I think magic is better than either of those things." Cas' voice was quiet but everyone glanced at him.

"Dude! Magic? That's for fucking losers," Adam replied with a laugh, turning his eyes back to the game and equipping two Dwarven daggers. Dean laughed and looked at Cas who had a small smile on his face.

He hadn't even realized he had been staring at Cas for nearly a minute until the blue-eyed boy's elbow nudged him. Dean cleared his throat lightly and turned back to the screen where Adam was scrolling through the map of all of Skyrim. He was kind of tired of the game; they'd been playing for nearly five hours and it was getting increasingly hard for him not to touch Cas, or cuddle with him, or kiss him. He ached to do so, but the other guys didn't know of their relationship yet and Dean could do without them freaking out like they were bound to.

Instead, he waited another hour or so while Ash took his turn playing and they leveled up their Dark Elf three more levels and started the Thieves Guild quest line. His eyes had strayed to Cas again and a few graphic images flashed through his mind so fast he didn't really have time to process them before Cas yawned widely and snapped Dean to attention. He glanced at the clock on the wall and it read 7:34. Early, but not too early.

He leaned towards Cas, using a fair amount of his self-control to keep himself from nibbling at his ear as he said, "You wanna get out of here soon?"

Cas glanced at him, as surprised as Dean was at the heaviness of his voice. He shrugged though. "Yeah, probably."

"Alright." Dean stood up and stretched. "Guys, I think me and Cas are gonna head out." A groan echoed around the room as Ash and Adam both looked at him in protest. "It's getting kind of late," he added, though it really wasn't.

Ash paused the game and stood up, too, stretching out his arms. "Well if you're going I probably should, too. My mom wants me to actually do something with my life tomorrow morning." They all snorted at that.

"Well, fine, be bitches then. I suppose you can leave if you must," Adam said with a certain sullenness. They all said their goodbyes to Adam and his parents, who were downstairs watching TV.

Dean gave Ash a ride home since Jo couldn't be with them and do the honors. As soon as they got into the car, though, Dean saw Cas' profile lit by the yellow of the streetlight and for some reason Dean found that his lips looked more appealing than usual. Banishing the thoughts that were gathering in his head, he gripped the wheel surely and put all of his focus onto the road.

The ride to Ash's house was quiet and he slipped out the door as soon as Dean pulled onto the driveway. He threw out a quick, "See ya, guys," before bolting into his house. Dean and Cas looked at each other in confusion but eventually Cas just shrugged and looked out the window. It took Dean a few seconds to tear his eyes from the other boy and to try and ignore the tension in his grip on the wheel.

Dean wanted Cas, wanted him so bad that he couldn't even say a word on the drive home from Ash's place. They made it to the garage and through the door, but as soon as they entered the hallway Dean hooked Cas with an arm around his waist and slammed him into the door, attacking his mouth. Cas tried to wriggle away at first, but Dean's insistent kiss and his body pushing into Cas' made him give in quickly.

"I want you… so much," Dean whispered between hot kisses. Cas just replied by fiercely clutching at Dean. Dean knew he felt the same though from the hard erection he felt as he ground their hips together. Suddenly Dean's hands found Cas' ass and lifted him up, letting Cas wrap his legs around his hips.

Cas' hands knotted in Dean's short hair as they slowly moved towards the nearest bedroom, which was Castiel's. Dean ripped off Cas' jacket and his own, but he let Cas slide his hands under Dean's shirt and yank it off, mouth caressing his bared chest. Dean moaned softly as the blue-eyed boy's tongue ran over his nipple and up his neck before their lips met again roughly.

They both quickly dispatched the remainder of their clothes and Dean gently laid Cas on the bed, kneeling over him. His hands traveled south and one wrapped around Cas' hard cock. His mouth soon followed, stopping along the way to bite and lick at Cas' throat, where his neck met his shoulder, his collarbone, his nipples. He finally made it to the erection that was waiting and enveloped the head of it in his mouth, eliciting a loud groan of his name from Cas.

"Dean…" Cas panted, hands grasping the sheets in fists, "you're going to make me—"

Taking his mouth from Cas, Dean looked up at him. "Don't," he commanded. "Hold it." His lips moved back to Cas' shaft, torturing the poor boy with light kisses along it. His hand migrated down, fingertips teasing the edges of Cas' hole.

Dean moved back up his body and kissed his mouth, tongue muffling the noises coming from deep in his throat. He pulled back and slid two fingers into Cas' mouth. Cas immediately wet them, trying to mentally prepare himself for what he knew was coming next. Dean's hand went back down and he eased his first finger into Cas.

With a wanton smile Dean watched Cas' face contort, first with pain and then with pleasure. Dean quickly added a second finger and Cas bit his lip to try and stop himself from moaning. But Dean's mouth met his for a moment to stop him, wanting to hear Cas saying his name over and over. He wasn't disappointed and after a moment of Dean adding more force to the fingers pushing in and out of Cas, the boy was nearly screaming for him.

His blue eyes opened and met Dean's. Both pairs were wide with lust and love. Cas was breathing heavily and Dean kissed him again, making him lightheaded. Finally, Dean positioned himself over Cas, his cock slick with the pre-cum of them both. Slowly, he pushed himself into Cas. Cas groaned, but this time in pain, and Dean stopped, worriedly looking down at him.

"Cas! Are you okay?" he asked quickly.

Those bright blue eyes stared up at him and hands wrapped around Dean's head, pulling their lips together. "Don't stop," Cas whispered. Dean continued to kiss him, lips trailing across his jaw and latching onto the side of his neck as he gently pushed forward. Once he was fully inside, Dean waited a few seconds before pulling out again. Cas surprised him, though, and bucked his hips up, forcing Dean back inside. Cas' hands moved across his back, scratching deep red marks into Dean's skin, as he took Dean in.

Dean took the incentive and began thrusting in and out more quickly. Finally, he hit something in Cas that sent him over the edge, making him utter a low guttural growl of Dean's name and come all over himself. Dean immediately pulled out and Cas' hand found him, barely having to stroke more than a couple of times for Dean to finally release. He fell to the bed beside Cas. They were both panting hard and Dean felt exhausted.

"I love you so much, Cas," Dean whispered, pulling the other boy to his chest. Cas mumbled something unintelligible in reply and listened as Dean's heartbeat slowly became steadier.

"Was that my Christmas present?" Cas eventually asked, fingers tracing light patters on Dean's side.

Dean laughed softly. "You could say that," he replied, kissing Cas' hair.

The next morning Dean woke to faint sunlight on his face. He was warm but felt sticky all over with Cas still wrapped inside the circle of his arms. Just thinking of the previous night made Dean half-hard and he desperately wanted to take a shower and calm himself. But just as he was untangling his limbs from Cas, his blue eyes slowly opened as he woke up with a yawn and smiled at Dean.

"G'morning," Cas mumbled, rolling away from Dean and rubbing his eyes. Dean pursed his lips, tempted to get up, but relented and propped himself on his elbow, looking at Cas with traces of the lust he'd felt the night before.

There was something in those blue eyes that Dean saw as they met his that made Dean suddenly move towards him and pull himself on top of Cas. More blood was flowing to his half-erection and Cas could feel it against him as Dean leaned over him and kissed him. Cas heartily returned the kiss, putting his arms around Dean's neck and holding him close. Dean's tongue slid into his mouth and relived the taste he'd thoroughly enjoyed the night before.

After a moment, though, Cas pushed him away slightly, an unreadable expression on his face. "Dean…" he whispered. "Again?" a mischievous smile took over his lips and he met Dean's eyes with excitement.

Dean laughed low in his throat and kissed him again. "Hell yes," he whispered.

Round two had been easier than the previous night, but round three on the floor of Dean's room that afternoon and round four in the late hours of night back in Cas' bed were increasingly more satisfying for them both. The day that everyone was due back though, the two spent normally, just cuddling on the couch together watching movies and being, for all intents and purposes, a normal couple.

Bobby and the rest returned around mid-afternoon and were welcomed back graciously with a dinner of take-out Chinese. When asked what the boys had been up to while they'd been gone, Dean and Cas just glanced at each other and exchanged secretive smiles, both replying, "Nothing much."

* * *

A/N: Well, Cas got his present, and it was my present to all of you, too, because I seriously did not plan on this and then someone just HAD to mention they wanted more of the two and I just HAD to think up a scenario where it would work out nicely and now my hard work has payed off! Hopefully..

And again, thank you all for reviews and faves and follows, I appreciate every single one of you!


	20. Before

New Years passed uneventfully and things fell back into their regular pattern, minus Jo of course. The three boys returned to school, but it was on the very first day back that things already seemed to change in a way.

Dean was sitting on the roof, as per usual, regardless of the fact that it had snowed lightly the night before and the world seemed dark and cold. He didn't mind the cold though, he just sat, shivering, finding the icy rooftop more appealing than class. It came as a surprise however when his phone began buzzing insistently inside his jacket pocket.

Fishing it out he looked at the screen in confusion. "Cas?" he asked, putting the phone to his ear. "I thought you came to school today?" He had, in fact, and he'd even gone to homeroom because Dean had personally walked him there.

"I left," Cas replied simply. His voice was choked and Dean's stomach tightened.

"Cas, what happened?"

It took him a few seconds to respond but finally Cas said stutteringly, "I don't know… where I am." Dean stood abruptly, already walking towards the emergency exit.

"Find a street sign or something. I'll come pick you up," he told Cas calmly.

"I just went walking around… and now I don't know… I don't know what to do." Cas sounded like he was on the verge of tears if he wasn't crying already.

Dean made his way sneakily out of the school and to his Impala. "Just take a deep breath and see if you can find a sign, or anything."

Cas didn't answer for a long moment and Dean almost thought that he'd hung up, but Cas suddenly whispered, "Washington and 5th."

"Stay put, I'll be right there." Dean was already pulling out of the parking lot when he hung up the phone and fought the speed limit.

Washington and 5th was about three miles from the school in a somewhat deserted part of town. He quickly found Cas sitting on the curb near the corner. Dean pulled off the road and parked next to the sidewalk, getting out of the car and over to Cas in record time. Cas stood slowly as Dean moved towards him, but was looking at the ground and refused to meet Dean's eyes. Dean's arms immediately wrapped around Cas and hugged him tight before he pulled away, holding Cas at arm's length.

"What's wrong?" he asked quietly, trying to get Cas to look at him.

Cas tensed to move away, but he decided not to at the last second and instead just said, "I don't know…"

Dean knew he wouldn't be able to get anything from Cas as long as he was like that and stood there for a moment, unsure what to do. Suddenly, he got an idea and put an arm around Cas, steering him towards the car. "Come on, I want you to meet someone."

Cas didn't say anything as they got into the car and during the drive whenever Dean would glance at him, he found the other boy staring at his hands which were folded in his lap. Eventually they arrive and when Dean stopped the car, Cas looked out the window, surprised.

"Dean, this is…"

"Yeah. Come on," was all he would say. Dean went around the car and opened the door for Cas, who got out and trailed after him across the snowy ground. When Dean suddenly stopped, Cas almost ran into him. He moved beside Dean and followed his gaze.

"Hi, Mom," Dean said quietly, as he had every single time he'd visited her grave. "This is Cas, I told you about him last time. I brought him here to meet you." Dean's voice was filled with a barely concealed sadness.

Cas unconsciously slid to his knees, not caring about the wet cold seeping into his jeans from the snow.

"He's having a rough time right now and you've always been here to help me when something was wrong so I thought maybe he could talk to you?" Just the way that Dean was talking made Cas want to cry again, but he didn't. Dean squatted beside him, putting a hand on Cas' back. "She's a good listener," he said softly. Cas finally glanced at his face and saw a faint smile on his lips but sadness in his green eyes. Dean stood and took a few steps away, leaning against the trunk of a nearby tree.

Cas looked at the slab of marble before him, eyes tracing the intricately carved letters. He was quiet for a long time, just listening to the sound of his own breathing and the breeze in the bare arms of the nearby trees. Cas opened his mouth to say something, but ended up not being able to speak a word. "H-hi," he finally stuttered out. "I'm Cas… but you know that already," he said slowly.

He felt a little weird talking to a gravestone, but it was the mother of his boyfriend so Cas didn't think it was _too_ weird. "I guess today I just kind of felt… lost. And then I ended up actually getting lost and Dean had to save me. Like he does all the time, every day." He fell silent, unsure what else to say. He was thinking, staring at Mary Winchester's name and thinking.

"Dean," he called out, standing. Cas moved towards him as Dean lifted himself off the tree. There was a bench nearby and Cas wiped the snow off before sitting down. After a moment Dean sat beside him. "What was she like?" Cas asked quietly, raising his eyes to Dean's face before flitting back to the white headstone.

Dean thought for a moment before answering slowly. "She was kind, and sweet, and just… a real mom. She would sing to me and Sam when we were little, and she would sing to herself when she thought she was alone. She took care of us all and never had a bad thing to say." Dean was staring into the distance with a somewhat dreamy look on his face.

"She and my dad were so in love, and Sammy and I would always tease them about it growing up. She would just smile and say 'You'll understand when you fall in love'." He laughed lightly. "I guess she was right." The smile fell from his face as he continued, "I always took her for granted, though, always expecting to see her every morning and talk to her when times were tough. I never thought she could just disappear, none of us did…" Dean trailed off and Cas' gaze found his upturned face.

"So, your dad wasn't always the way he is now?" Cas asked hesitantly.

Dean shook his head. "No, he used to be different… You know, as much as I want to blame his alcoholism for the reason why he changed, I know I can't."

"What do you mean?" Cas watched as Dean took a deep breath and dropped his head slightly.

"There's something I didn't tell you when I explained about my dad and everything that's happened... When I was six, he was diagnosed with mild schizophrenia. There were times when he didn't even recognize his own wife or children. At first it was just episodes and it wasn't that often, but over the years he grew naturally violent. He was on medications, but sometimes he would forget to take them, or he wouldn't want to and things usually didn't end well when that happened.

"When my mom died, he really got off his rocker. He stopped taking his meds and was afraid that even his sons were out to get him. He started drinking as a way of self-medication, I guess, but it obviously didn't really work. He just got more violent when he was drunk, and when he didn't recognize us or thought we were going to hurt him…" Dean pinched the bridge of his nose.

"He acted in self-defense a lot, and it wasn't his fault, really. I want to just chalk it up to him being a bad father, but before things got bad in just the last couple of years, he was actually a pretty great dad."

They were both silent for a while. "You're afraid that you'll be like that, too, and that someday you'll lose control and end up hurting me like that time when…" Cas trailed off slowly.

"Well, that was a little different," Dean broke in with a nervous laugh. He sobered immediately though; it was uncanny to him the way that Cas could so easily see through him. "Yeah," he finally said quietly. Cas didn't say anything. "I just hope that I really got through to my dad when I threatened him with a knife back then."

Cas nodded in understanding. "Well you got through to him enough for him to leave. Hopefully he's gotten the help he really needs while he's away."

"So, enough about that," Dean said after a few quiet minutes. "How are you feeling?"

"A bit better I guess," Cas replied with a shrug. "There's nothing really wrong, I just felt kind of out of it today."

"Well if you feel like that tomorrow, or any other day, just tell me, would you?" Dean turned slightly towards Cas and put a hand on his knee. "I told you before Cas, I just want to help you, but I can't if you go off on your own without saying a word."

Cas nodded solemnly. Dean suddenly stood and held out his hand which Cas took hesitantly. Dean walked them back to his mother's grave and stood before it.

"She always knew what to say," Dean said slowly, "and I'm sorry that I don't. But I have to try, right Mom?" He directed his last words at the marble and shot it a small smile.

Cas abruptly turned to him and put his arms around Dean's neck to hug him. "Thank you, Dean," he said into Dean's collar. "And you, Mrs. Winchester," he added, face turning towards Mary. He looked back up at Dean who was smiling faintly at him. Cas pressed their lips together lightly and silently prayed that Mary wouldn't mind him kissing her son in front of her.

* * *

A/N: Whew that took me forever to write. I felt like I was slowly undermining Cas' issues, but you people know how things are; things take time. And thus, this chapter was born. The whole thing with John is just that I wanted to show that he wasn't always abusive and all that, and that he's not just a mean person. I feel like I've gone a little overboard with mental health issues in this fic, but that's kind of the point of the entire thing anyway.

P.S. Don't worry, the whole thing with Jo will be explained next chapter!


	21. Conflictions

A/N: So, I'm sorry this is late, but the past few days have been just... ugh. So if this chapter is another one that feels a bit rushed I'm sorry. This was a really really difficult one to write, but I hope it's not too bad! Thanks everyone who's sticking with this!

* * *

Dean woke up alone. The house was silent and Dean immediately knew something was different. He sat up slowly and stretched, mid-morning light filtering through his window. He poked around the various rooms of the house before making his way to the kitchen, wary of the emptiness.

There was a note on the counter in plain sight that Dean picked up cautiously. In Karen's curvy handwriting it read "Went to breakfast, be back later!" with a little heart attached to the end.

"…What?" Dean muttered, extremely confused. He glanced at the calendar to make sure his head wasn't set on the wrong time. Saturday, January 24. He had been right, but all it served to do was make him even more confused. Heading back to his room, note still in hand, Dean tried to figure out why they hadn't at least woken him up. He grabbed his phone and dialed Cas, but it went straight to voicemail.

Dean went back to the kitchen and just as he was opening the fridge for something to eat, the front door opened. He heard the sound of keys dropping into the dish beside the door and ventured over.

"Hey Dean," he heard Cas say as he came near and greeted Dean with a kiss.

"Hey. Where is everyone?"

Cas slipped off his shoes, saying, "They went grocery shopping, but I walked home. I had figured you would be awake by now." There was a pause. "What?" he asked finally as Dean stared at him in confusion.

After another moment Dean shook his head. "Nothing," he muttered.

"Wanna watch a movie?" Cas suddenly asked, leading him to the family room. Dean shrugged and he took it as a yes, rifling through the various DVD's they had for something he knew Dean would like. Eventually he got Dean to agree on _Die Hard 2_ and curled up on the couch with him.

The movie was nearly over a couple of hours later when Dean's phone suddenly rang, startling him. It was Sam. "Hello?"

"Hey Dean, could you do me a favor?"

"Uh, sure kid."

"Can you go out to the backyard?"

"What? Why?"

"Just do it!"

Dean groaned but he stood and moved towards the back door. "Okay, but I don't see why I need to—"

He stopped when he opened the door and saw a group of people with a banner on the back fence that said in huge letters "Happy Birthday Dean". The group before him shouted out the words as he stepped outside and Cas followed just behind him.

Dean hung up his phone, openmouthed with surprise as Bobby, Karen, Sam, Adam, Ash, Jo, Ellen, and Bill all crowded around him. Glancing back at Cas, Dean found him smiling smugly and laughed.

"You seriously threw me a party?"

"We didn't do anything for your birthday last year, and now you're legally an adult," Sam laughed, giving him a tight hug, "so we figured we should do something."

Dean felt suddenly sentimental and smiled at everyone. "Thanks guys, really, this is awesome." They all dispersed into smaller groups that Dean continually mingled with while Bobby barbequed up some burgers and hotdogs. Everyone sang to him later when Karen brought out the cake she'd baked for him.

It was well into the afternoon when Dean finally had the chance to talk to Jo alone. She looked better than she had in a long time, or at least since Dean had last seen her a couple of weeks before. Still though, she seemed pale and frail in her wheelchair and Dean still found it discomforting to see her like that.

"Haven't talked you for a while," Dean began casually, twirling a can of soda in his hand, as they monitored the party from the side of the yard. Sam and Cas were laughing about something Ash had said and Adam was talking cars with Bobby and Bill while Karen and Ellen chatted together pleasantly.

"I meant to tell you, but my grandpa died last week so I really haven't had much time to call or anything," Jo said offhandedly. Dean raised his brow at her.

"Really."

Jo offered him an apologetic look. She sighed heavily. "Okay, the truth is that Ellen doesn't want me to be hanging around with you anymore."

Dean nearly choked on the sip of soda he'd just taken and looked at his friend in shock. "What?! Is this because you got hit while you were coming over to my house? Because honestly that—"

Jo shook her head and cut him off tiredly, "No, it's not about that. It has nothing to do with that."

"Then what the hell is it?"

"Well…" Jo glanced furtively around. She sighed again and tapped her fingers together. "She found out about me, and about you and Cas and she thinks we shouldn't be friends anymore."

Dean's mouth was hung open. Ellen, who had been like a mother to him, who was always so kind and sweet and accepting… "You mean she won't let us be friends because we're gay?"

"Yeah… I know, Dean, my first reaction was 'what the actual fuck', but I can't do anything about it while I'm like this and she's not listening to reason right now for God knows why." Jo's voice purely bitter and Dean couldn't even think coherently for a moment.

"No," he muttered. "You're my best friend."

Jo suddenly realized what he was about to do and tried to grab his arm, but he was already moving. "Dean! Stop!" she shouted after him, unable to follow as he strode across the yard. Cas glanced over at her yell before his eyes went to Dean and he started towards him in Jo's place.

"Hey, Dean," Karen said with a smile as he went up to Ellen. Ellen didn't say anything though, she just looked at the expression on his face with rising horror.

"How could you, Ellen?" Dean's voice was broken in his ears and he almost wanted to throttle her, but he quenched that feeling, he knew it wouldn't do him any good. "You can't just decide who gets to be friends with who because you don't like it."

"Jo told you…" she breathed, eyes narrowing.

"Dean, what's going on?" Karen looked between them in obvious confusion. By then Cas had arrived at Dean's side and they had gathered the attention of everyone else at the small function, too.

"Honestly, Ellen, I could have gotten this from anyone else. But from you?" Dean was so focused on the betrayal he felt that he didn't even care everyone was just staring at him and Ellen in confusion.

"Dean. What the hell has gotten into you?" Bobby had moved behind Karen and interrupted the tense quiet between Dean and Ellen.

"She doesn't want me and Jo to be friends because I'm dating Cas." Dean's eyes moved to Bobby as Cas stiffened beside his elbow, all other eyes turning to him.

"Ellen?" Karen was the first to look away, back at her friend.

Ellen looked half-scared and half-angry as she tore her eyes from Dean. "Yeah, it's true. I don't think my daughter needs to be in this kind of atmosphere anymore. We're leaving." She turned on her heel to grab her husband's arm and drag him to their daughter. Jo gave Dean her best "I'm sorry" look and let herself be wheeled away.

Bill managed to get away for just a second and stopped by Dean's ear. "I'm really sorry, Dean, she's been irrational lately. But I want to tell you that I don't agree with her. She'll adjust eventually." Dean just gave him a tight nod as he left.

There was silence as they left and finally Dean turned to Adam and Ash who were still a little in shock. Glancing at Cas, Dean saw that his blue eyes were wide and his face pale, so Dean stretched out his arm and took Cas' hand.

"Personally, I kinda thought you two were a thing," Ash said after a moment, sheepishly running a hand through his hair. Adam glanced at him and then back to Dean and shrugged.

"Well I don't really care either. You're still the same guy, Dean," Adam told him.

"Thanks guys," was all Dean could say. He felt suddenly tired and all he wanted to do was go back to bed with Cas and sleep for days.

Adam waggled a finger towards Bobby, Karen and Sam with a question in his eyes. Dean nodded in reply and he made a "that's cool" kind of expression.

"Well, uh, I guess we probably should get out of your hair now," Ash said slowly, poking Adam on the shoulder.

"Yeah. Have fun with the cleanup. And happy birthday," Adam added, patting Dean's shoulder not unkindly.

They both left and the other five turned to each other, each with various stages of shock and exhaustion on their features.

"Well that didn't go as planned," Bobby said, picking up a bottle of beer and sipping from it.

"Why don't you go inside and we'll work on picking up, okay?" Karen directed towards Dean.

"I'll help. It's the least I can do," Dean replied with a slight shake of his head. Karen nodded and they all got to work picking up the party.

That evening, Dean sat on his bed and tried to not think about Ellen. It didn't work. When Cas eventually joined him, Dean was lying curled up in the middle of the bed. Cas lay beside Dean and held his head to his chest.

"She's just being stubborn and emotional right now. I'm sure she'll come around soon," Cas whispered into Dean's short hair.

Dean just breathed in the fresh laundry smell of Cas' shirt. "She's been like my second mother for years," he muttered after a while. "I mean she's always been rough around the edges, but she's always been supportive about everything for Jo, and even for me and Sam. She's just been there for a long time. And now…" He trailed off, the betrayal still raw.

Cas didn't say anything, but just let him vent out everything he was feeling until late into the night. There were long periods when he wouldn't say anything, but Cas knew he was still awake, still thinking, so he'd let Dean be until he felt like talking again.

And right before the green-eyed boy finally fell asleep, he said, "Even if everyone hadn't accepted us… I'd still fight for you. You're mine, Cas…" Cas just held him tighter and smiled into the top of his head.

* * *

A/N: Also, you know how before I've used my own personal experience with parts of this story? Well this is another one of those times. I just like adding a personal touch sometimes because I think it's sometimes easier to write.

So there's only I think three chapters left after this one! Getting close to the finale! Reviews are fantastic guys! *hint hint*


	22. Away

It was a few days later that Karen had asked Dean to drop by the store on his way home and pick up a few things for dinner. So, it was just after school that Dean and Cas arrived at the parking lot of the local grocer. Sam had gone home with Jessica, as he had been more and more recently.

And so it was that Dean parked the Impala towards the front of the parking lot and went around the back of the car to meet Cas. They were laughing about something Cas had remarked a moment before, but the smile fell from Dean's lips as he noticed someone walking towards them from the storefront.

"Castiel."

"Dad?" Cas was shocked when he turned to see his father nearing them.

"I haven't seen you in quite some time." Mr. Novak's words were meant kindly but his expression was one of mild disdain at seeing the two.

Dean immediately pulled Cas to the side when he saw that the blue-eyed boy didn't know how to respond. "You don't have to talk to him. We can go," Dean hissed in his ear.

Cas' wide eyes met his but he shook his head slightly and turned back. "I've been busy," he finally said after a moment.

"Are you keeping up your grades?" Cas nodded and his father gained a slightly more approving look in his eyes. "Good," he said. "Are you… doing better?"

Cas gave his face appraising look. "Yeah, actually, a lot better." He glanced at Dean, whose eyes were warily watching the father and son.

"I am glad to hear that." Mr. Novak stiffened slightly and finally turned to Dean. "I hope you are taking good care of my son."

"I'm trying to," Dean replied with cordiality, for once attempting to hide his coldness towards the man.

"I heard your friend was injured by Michael in an accident. Is she doing well?"

His question surprised Dean slightly, but he nodded tightly. "Yeah, she should be up and walking again in the next couple of weeks."

"Very good. Well, I should go. I've got a meeting in twenty minutes." He turned back to his son with a somewhat regretful expression.

Dean and Cas both glanced at each other. "Alright. Call sometime, okay?" Cas said in a slightly uncomfortable manner. His father nodded and the parting was awkward as Mr. Novak walked past them to his car and the two boys made their way inside the store.

"D'you think he really had a meeting?" Dean asked, half trying to lighten the mood.

Cas shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe."

Dean stopped just inside the sliding doors of the store. He put his hands on Cas' shoulders and forced Cas to look him in the eye. "Are you okay?"

Cas' eyes flicked to his before settling on the ground. "Not really."

"Look, you had to face the guy sometime. And sure, that was pretty awkward, but think of it as the start to maybe fixing things?"

Slowly nodding, Cas bit his lip. Dean gave him a quick hug before they separated to meander around the store for Karen's requested items.

At dinner that evening, Dean decided to ask something that had been bothering him for quite some time. He turned towards Bobby and hesitantly spoke.

"So are you guys gonna be staying here for a while still? Or are you ever going to go back to Sioux Falls?"

Bobby looked up at him from the pork chop he was enjoying and his eyes flickered to his wife's for a moment. "Well, we're going back sometime, but we figured we'd stay until your dad comes back."

"But, we don't even know when that'll be."

"You tryin' to get rid of us?"

"No, definitely not. I've just been wondering 'cause I feel bad that you guys just up and left everything to stay here with us." Dean felt a slight flush creep onto his neck and Sam gave him a look across the table.

Karen sent him a smile. "Honey, it's no big deal for just a couple of months. We're happy spending time with you boys, and, no offense Dean, but you would probably fall apart if you were left on your own. Well," she revised, "more on your own than before."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Dean quieted and left the subject alone, his mind turning to his father and making him subdued.

"What do you think will happen when Dad comes back?"

Sam's voice was a whisper in Dean's ear as they lie together late that night. Dean had been surprised when his brother snuck into his room, but Cas was sleeping soundly on the other side of the bed and secretly Dean had missed comforting Sam whenever he had a nightmare or couldn't sleep.

"I dunno, Sammy," he sighed in reply. "Things'll be different, for sure, but beyond that…" he trailed off.

"Yeah…" Sam was quiet for a while. Cas turned over in his sleep, slinging an arm over Dean's waist. His hand hung in the space between the two brothers and they sniggered silently in the dark.

"He's kind of a weird sleeper," Dean muttered lightly.

Sam just giggled quietly. "I've gathered that." They fell into another silence; only the sounds of night and breathing comforting their ears. Eventually Dean fell asleep, but the question of his father remained heavy in his mind.

* * *

A/N: Yes, yes, this one went quite fast (and it's short), and I'm sorry for that, but the end is coming and I'm hoping to wrap this up with just two more chapters. So expect things to be moving faster as everything gets resolved!


	23. Return

A/N: Second to last chapter, this one and the next are pretty long as loose ends hopefully come together nicely. Be prepared for LOTS of fluff! Thanks everyone for your support so far!

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"Aw come on you idjits!" Bobby was yelling at the TV. It was a Sunday late February and the guys were all gathered around to watch the Daytona 500 race while Karen busied herself in the kitchen. Dean and Sam were laughing at the big man when the doorbell suddenly rang.

"Could one of you boys—?" Karen called out.

"Yeah, I got it." Dean hopped up from where he was sitting with Cas, a laugh still hanging on his lips as he opened the door. It fell silently, though, when he looked at who stood before him. "Dad?"

"Hi, Dean," John said solemnly but with a small apologetic smile.

Dean stood in shock for a moment. His father looked far better than he had in a long time. His face was shaven and his eyes were clear as they looked over his son. "Uh, you can come in," Dean said quickly, realizing he was just standing there awkwardly.

John walked in and set the duffel he'd been carrying next to the door. He made a move as if to hug Dean, but his son retreated towards the door to shut it and the motion was dropped. Dean stiffly led him into the main room where everyone fell silent upon seeing him. Karen left the kitchen in favor of Dean's side and Bobby stood to meet his old friend.

"Well this is a surprise, John," Bobby said gruffly, shaking the eldest Winchester's hand in greeting. Dean took the chance to move towards his brother and Cas who were getting to their feet.

"Maybe we should all sit at the table?" Karen suggested lightly. John nodded and pulled out a chair to sit while the Singer's joined him.

Sam hadn't moved yet and Dean put a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay. Let's just talk to him for now, okay?" His little brother nodded, expressionless.

"Do you want me to go?" Cas asked quietly as Dean turned Sam towards the table.

Dean shook his head. "No, stay, please." Cas half-smiled a little sadly and followed the two brothers to the others. John sat between the Singer's and Sam took the seat beside Karen, whose hand patted his arm, while Dean stood behind his brother with Cas next to him.

"So, how long have you been staying with the boys?" John asked after a moment of stillness.

"We got here 'bout three weeks after you left. Sam and Dean were staying with Ellen while Cas was in the hospital during that time," Bobby replied, glancing at Dean.

John's eyes flicked to Cas, but he just nodded. "I actually stopped by Ellen's on the way over. She told me about Jo… I guess I have a lot to catch up on from when I was gone."

"That's an understatement," Dean said in monotone. Cas nudged him but Dean just stared at his father.

"So… fill me in?" John asked glancing at his younger son, who was still sitting silently, unable to look at him.

All other eyes turned to Dean and he glared at them. "Why don't you tell us why you suddenly showed up?" John hesitated, obviously wanting to avoid the question. Dean sighed out a quick breath.

Dean's father resignedly looked at his clasped hands on the table. "Well, I've been sober three months now, and I'm back on regular medication. After about two months at a rehab center, they let me live in a sort of half-way house. A few days ago they deemed me good enough to leave, so now here I am, trying to make amends I guess."

Half of Dean wanted to welcome his dad back, but the other half, the stronger half, wanted to make him pay for what he'd done the previous year. Eventually he was able to say, "Just because you're good and back doesn't mean everything is punky-dory again."

John's eyes met his and the sincerity in them discomforted Dean. "I know that, but I just hope you'll give me another chance to make up for all the wrongs I did." There was quiet for a moment until Sam suddenly spoke.

"Mom always told us to give second chances to those who deserve it." Dean put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "I don't really know if you deserve it, but you're our dad…" Sam trailed off, finally looking at his father. John smiled a little.

"Thanks, Sammy." His eyes found Dean's again. "And you, Dean." His elder son just nodded slightly.

Cas' hand slid into Dean's free hand and Dean leaned back into the other boy. "So, do you want the quick version of the story, or the long version?" Dean asked after a moment, his eyes hinting at amusement.

"Uh," John faltered. "Short?"

"Well then," Dean started, thinking fast. "Cas moved in, Bobby and Karen showed up, Jo got hit by a car, Christmas, school started again, I turned eighteen, and… that's about it." He tossed in a sheepish smile as Bobby chuckled quietly at him.

"There's quite a bit more that happened, too, John, but I suspect your boys don't want to say just yet." Karen's tone was kind but John's face still faded slightly.

There was another bout of silence. "I should probably go find a motel or something to stay in," John finally said.

"What are you talking about? This is your house." Everyone looked sharply at Karen who flushed slightly.

Dean shrugged and turned back to John. "Well, you could sleep on the couch since every other room is taken."

"If you're okay with me staying here…" his father's voice was hesitant, but Dean could see he was happy about the idea.

Dean nudged Sam slightly and questioned his brother with his eyes. Sam shrugged and nodded slightly. "Yeah, it's okay."

"I guess that's settled then. Now, can I get back to the race?" Bobby didn't wait for an answer and instead returned to the TV, clapping Dean on the shoulder as he went.

"Can I talk to you?" Dean whispered into his brother's ear, leaning down. Sam nodded and stood up. The older brother turned to Cas and pressed their foreheads together for just a moment before leading Sam down the hallway and into his room.

They both sat on the bed, Sam's eyes on his hands. "Are you sure you're okay with this? We could tell him to leave if you want."

Sam shook his head. "No, it's fine. Just… Can I sleep with you tonight?"

"Yeah, 'course Sammy." His eyes looked over Sam's forlorn expression. He put a hand on Sam's shoulder. "Look at me," he said, waiting until Sam complied before continuing. "I'm never going to let him hurt you again. He may be better now, but we can't know for sure just yet and I know that's why you're scared. I am, too. But, Sammy, you've got me here, and Bobby, Karen, and even Cas. We'll keep our eyes peeled, but I honestly doubt anything major will happen. Don't worry about it too much, okay?"

"Okay." The younger boy nodded gravely, hazel eyes piercing into Dean's own green ones.

"Come on," he said lightly, patting Sam's arm. "Let's go listen to Bobby yelling at cars for a while." Sam smiled faintly and they went back to the rest of the family together.

Dinner had passed without incidence, everyone unusually subdued and polite. Especially John. The three boys had called for an early retirement, though, and it was barely nine o'clock when all three were lying together in Dean's bed.

In truth, John could have had the guest bedroom since Cas had sort of unofficially moved into Dean's room, but neither wanted John to know that quite yet, so they kept up appearances. It had become less and less common for Sam to sleep in Dean's bed over the previous few months, but there were still times when he would and it always made him feel safe being between the two older boys.

Dean didn't mind at all when his brother was there. He got to sleep with his arms around Cas nearly every night, even though they really didn't have sex that often or anything, and Dean was content just being near his boyfriend. Sometimes they would stay up late talking if one of them had an off day, but generally they would fall asleep quickly next to each other.

That night, however, while Sam slept easily between them, neither Cas nor Dean could find solace in sleep.

"Do you really think it's okay to have him stay here?" Cas asked in a whisper over Sam's head.

"I don't know," Dean replied just as quietly. "It kinda freaked Sam out, but he seems okay with it. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens."

Cas agreed and fell silent, contemplating something else that had been bothering him. Eventually, he decided it might be better to voice it while he was thinking about it. "Dean, are you ever going to talk to Ellen?" He heard Dean's sigh clearly.

"Maybe someday. I'm still pissed at her for being so… stupid."

Cas silently chuckled, but he sobered quickly. "Yeah, I know." He paused. "But you know we're going to come across a lot of people like that if we're together."

"Well screw them, then. I don't care if the whole world hates us, they don't matter." He fell abruptly silent as Sam made a noise in his sleep and turned over to curl into Dean's side. He laughed quietly in his chest.

"What if we had a son when we're older?" Cas' voice was just a breath, but it still made Dean pull up short.

"I wouldn't know what to do with a kid," he finally said.

"You do just fine with Sam."

"He's my brother, though, that's a little different. Plus Mom was there to take care of his baby years. I'm no good with babies, all they do is puke and poop and cry."

"They can be cute sometimes…"

Dean laughed at his tone. "Why don't we talk about it in ten years? Maybe I'll miraculously understand kids by then." Cas smiled and reached an arm over Sam to grasp Dean's hand.

The next morning woke the boys with Dean's obnoxious alarm clock and the smell of waffles. Dean reached over for the snooze button and muttered, "Sammy, go take a shower first," before snuggling back under the covers, eyes never once opening. He heard his little brother groan and sit up beside him.

"Fine," Sam replied in a yawn, crawling off the bed. Dean heard the door open and close as Sam left the room. He felt the bed move as Cas stretched and went to get up, too. But Dean reached out blindly and managed to hook an arm around Cas and pull him close.

"Not you. You stay here," he said, nuzzling Cas' curly hair.

"Dean…" Cas protested weakly.

"We'll take a shower when Sam's done, but until then…" Dean breathed in the warm scent of Cas and tightened his arms around the other boy. Cas laughed, but relented, knowing better than to deny Dean when he was sleepy.

It was nearly half an hour later that the couple made it to the kitchen and sat at the table as Karen served fresh waffles. Both boys had been tired and smiley until they were reminded that John was there as he joined the congregation, too. The air was tense and Dean was glad that Karen was humming to herself as usual to break the silence.

"So, Dad," Dean began hesitantly after a while. "What are you going to do today?"

John had been looking at the newspaper but he looked up when his son addressed him. "I thought I'd go job searching while you were out at school."

Dean nodded, eyes on his plate. "Awesome," he muttered, shoving a bite of waffle into his mouth. Everyone was quiet after that until it was time for the boys to leave. Dean drove more slowly than usual, but they still arrived with a good few minutes before the bell. Sam ran off to find Brady and Jessica while Dean and Cas migrated towards Adam and Ash.

There was another person with them that morning that Dean didn't recognize immediately, but as they grew closer, he realized that it was Jo. He hadn't seen Jo except once since his birthday party nearly a month before and it was surprising to see her up and about, even with crutches stuck under her arms.

"Dean," she said quietly as he joined them and stood beside her. There was a wide range of emotions in her eyes, and even though Dean was mad at Ellen, he knew none of it was Jo's fault. He enveloped her in a hug that lasted just a few seconds too long, until Dean pulled away and finally said hello to the other two guys.

They looked at him with amusement in their eyes, but neither said a word on his receiving of Jo. Apparently, her seclusion from Dean had also been a seclusion from the others as well and she'd been greeted similarly by the pair.

"How are you?" Dean asked eagerly.

"Better. The only thing left to heal is my leg and I should get the cast off in three weeks." She'd already filled in the other two about her release and situation, so Adam and Ash took their leave to head to class and give Dean and Jo a moment alone. "Look, Dean, I'm really sorry about my mom. She's been going pretty crazy over the past month or so, and honestly it's driving me and Dad up the walls."

"Jo, don't worry about it. I know she's just in a bad way right now, but she'll calm down eventually," Dean said reassuringly.

"Yeah, you're right." Jo shifted her position on her crutches. "So what's new with you then?"

"Well, my dad came home yesterday…" From the surprise on Jo's face Dean figured that her mother hadn't told her that John had stopped by the day before on his way home.

"Is he…?"

"He looks good. Better. And he says he's better, too. Sam got pretty freaked when he showed up, but I think he's okay now."

"What about you? Are you okay with it?"

Dean shrugged and glanced at Cas who had moved away slightly, people-watching. "I don't really know. I'm still mad at him, but he says he wants to make up for everything, and I believe him."

Jo nodded in understanding. "Bobby and Karen still staying for a while?"

"Yeah, but I don't know how long. We haven't talked about it yet." Suddenly the bell rang and Dean and Jo both looked towards the school where everyone was filing into class.

"I wish I could tell you to call me if you wanna talk more later, but Mom won't allow it."

"It's fine. We have lunch today and if you're back at school now…"

Nodding more, Jo smiled a little. "I'm glad to be back. Come on, let's get to class."


	24. Finally

A/N: This is it guys, this is the end.

I just want to thank all of you fabulous people that have read and reviewed and loved this and everything. A special thank you goes out to Bitblondetoday for reviewing every single chapter and just being amazing, and also DeansBabyBird who is just as amazing. Both of you get a lovely internet hug.

I hope you have all enjoyed the road so far and I appreciate every single one of you! Without further ado, here is your finale...

* * *

"Hi, Dean. I just called because…well… I'm sorry about the way I've been acting for the past few months. I've been stupid and immature and it wasn't fair to you or Jo. You didn't deserve it and I could make up a million excuses, but the point is that I'm sorry and I just hope you can forgive me someday… You can call or stop by anytime if you want."

Dean replayed the voicemail for the fifth time. He was sitting on his bed, trying to decide if the sorrow and guilt he could hear in Ellen's voice was real or not. After the seventh time, he gave up and decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. It was a Friday afternoon, late March, and he'd had enough of not being able to see Jo or talk to her anytime outside of school so he took the message as a blessing and flopped back onto the mattress. There was a knock at his door and Dean glanced over to see his brother pop his head in.

"Is today still the day?" Sam asked, worry and excitement filling his voice and eyes.

Sighing out a breath, Dean replied, "Yeah, I guess so."

The week before, Bobby and Karen had left to head back home to Sioux Falls and the boys were left on their own with John. It really had seemed like John had changed and Dean was still slowly getting used to having their old dad back. Sam, likewise, was still having trouble adjusting after all the trauma he'd been through, but they both were glad that John was better.

Before the Singer's had left, however, Karen had made Dean promise her two things: that he would call them every day to check in, and that he and Cas would come out to John before the end of March. After talking with Cas about it, he and Dean had decided a date and were sticking to it, though both were fearful of John's reception to the idea.

But when he got home that evening and after a nice dinner courtesy of Sam, the couple stayed with their word and sat down with John. Sam hung around nearby just in case, too.

"Dad, there's something we need to talk to you about," Dean began, hesitant. They were all sitting around the table, and Cas had his hand in Dean's out of sight.

"Okay, shoot," John replied openly.

Dean took a breath, eyes catching Cas'. "Well, I'm… Me and Cas are…"

"Spit it out, son," his father said not unkindly.

Cas wanted to jump in and say something, but it was between Dean and his dad so he held back, instead waiting until Dean finally stuttered out, "I'm dating Cas."

John looked between them for a moment, eyes unreadable, until he shrugged. "I kinda figured as much."

Dean was looking at him incredulously. "You mean… You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad? It's a little strange, sure, but I don't care who you date as long as you're happy."

"Well, Ellen got pretty mad when she found out so I just didn't know…"

"Ellen? Her sister is married to a woman, so that's a little bit shocking."

Sam popped out of his hiding place at that, saying, "No way! How can she be mad at Jo then?"

John glanced at his younger son with confusion. "Jo?"

Dean sighed and sent a glare at his brother. "Doesn't matter at this point."

Looking back at Dean, John relented. "So how long have you two…?" He pointed at Cas and his son.

Cas didn't know what to say so he looked at Dean. "November 22nd," Dean said with a reminiscent smile.

"That's the day I…"

"Yeah, well neither of us really actually said we were dating so I pretty much chalk it up to the day Cas went to the hospital."

"You never did say why when you've mentioned that before."

Dean allowed Cas to explain. "I tried to kill myself. But Dean saved me…" His hand squeezed Dean's as he smiled.

"My son, the hero," John said jokingly, eyes bright as Dean laughed. The way his eldest son was looking at Cas reminded him of how he used to look at Mary, and the thought gave him a small, sad smile, but one that his boys thankfully didn't notice as they were too caught up with themselves at the moment.

The next day Dean went to see Jo. Or rather, he went to see Ellen. She answered the door and ushered him in quickly upon his arrival.

"I guess you got my message then?" she asked, sitting him at the table. "Anything to drink?"

"No, thanks. And yeah, I did." Dean was a little nervous, after all he hadn't talked to Ellen in nearly a two months.

"So how have you been? How's your dad?" Ellen too seemed nervous and hesitant she took the chair beside Dean.

"He's good, really good, and so am I for the most part. It's been a little odd having him back around but Sam and I are both getting used to it again." They were quiet for a short time. Dean didn't know what to say and every time his eyes found Ellen she looked like she was about to talk so he stayed quiet. Eventually, she did, though.

"I told you in the message, but I just have to say again how sorry I am that I treated you like I did. It was selfish of me to keep Jo away and downright stupid, too."

"I get it, Ellen, I really do. It's been tough for everyone for a while and everything just happened at a bad time. You don't need to apologize any more than you already have," Dean told her when she looked like she was about to go on more.

Ellen nodded tightly and gave him a small smile that was more of a grimace. "Can we just pretend this never happened and go back to how things were before?"

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."

The rest of the afternoon Dean spent with Jo, just hanging around like they used to. And though it was still a little tense to be around Ellen, for the most part they got along fine after that, Dean having readily forgiven her though a small part of him didn't want to.

It was nearly three months later that found Dean fresh out of high school, and Cas heading into his senior year. As soon as Dean was out of school, he found a job at a local mechanic's and went apartment hunting, quickly finding a nice, small one just a mile down the road from Sam and his dad.

Cas moved in with him, too, and Dean was both fearful and excited about living alone with his boyfriend. He was also a little paranoid about leaving Sam alone with John, but over the past few months John had proved himself a better man, a better father and Sam, having just turned fourteen, had convinced Dean that he'd be okay.

So, one evening, there Dean was, sitting in his new bedroom, which was fairly empty except for a small bookshelf in the corner, a single dresser, and the mattress which took up almost all the floor space in the center of the room. He moved out to the main room, where there was an old TV and an old couch he'd picked up from a thrift store that, even though it was falling apart slightly, was the most comfortable couch he'd ever had the pleasure of resting his ass on. There he sat, putting his feet up on the little coffee table in front of the couch.

The front door suddenly opened and Cas walked in, locking the door behind him with one hand as the other had a plastic bag hanging from it and held his phone to his ear.

"Yeah, I understand," he was saying, heading to the kitchen to set his bag on the counter. Dean leaned down onto the counter on his elbows, resting his chin in his hand and watching Cas put away the few food items he'd gotten into the fridge. "Okay. I'll talk to you later. Bye, Dad." He hung up and sighed, tossing the now empty bag into the trash.

"Dads, am I right?" Dean mock rolled his eyes and grinned at Cas who laughed at him with a smile. He moved around the counter and hooked his fingers in the belt loops of Cas' jeans to pull him in for a "welcome home" kiss. He stuck his hands in Cas' back pockets and smiled lazily.

"How was work today?" Cas asked after a moment, pulling away to grab his laptop off the other side of the counter and head to the couch.

Dean shrugged. "Normal, I guess. Just some regular old tune-ups and oil changes today. Nothing to write home about." He paused, leaning back against the counter. "How was volunteering today?"

For about a month now, Cas had been volunteering at the local hospital. He worked mostly with the mental ward and people dealing with similar issues that he'd had, but also with the children's ward. Dean thought it was good for him, and the regular staff all said he was great with kids and a lot of their depressed patients liked talking with him.

"It wasn't very good," Cas said noncommittally "Judy died last night." He sat back, looking troubled, and wrung his hands together. "Dean, what if I can't help people like you helped me?"

Dean sat next to him, putting a hand over Cas'. "You already have helped people, lots of them. Don't beat yourself up over 'what if's and stuff like that. But as much as you want to help, some people just aren't as strong as you. And you are strong, so don't give me that look.

"Every day I look at you and I don't see that little scrawny kid who was about to jump off a three story building. No, I see a guy who made it through some really tough times and lived to tell the tale; a guy who wants to make sure that other people can live, too. There's something inside of you that's changed, something that only changed because I was there and I cared enough to help you change. I know you want to be that person for everyone, but not everyone can change like you did. It sucks, it really sucks, but be proud that you're here after all and that you're trying."

Cas just looked at him. "Okay, that was a really shitty speech, I admit. But you get the point, right?"

Solemnly, Cas nodded. "Yeah, I know. It's just hard sometimes."

"Things'll get better. I promise they will."

"I know, Dean." Cas laid down and put his head on Dean's lap. Dean's hand rested on his head, while the other found his heart. He felt it beating beneath his fingertips, steady and strong, just as Cas was.

_There's something inside of you that's changed. Something inside of you…_


End file.
